The Shelter of Each Other
by Lola99
Summary: A glimpse at Shepard's life through her interactions with the people most important to her, starting with her life on Mindoir and going through post-ME3. F!Shep/Kaidan and F!Shep/Vega Rated M for violence, language...and maybe a little more.
1. Keaghan

_**A/N: **A huge thank you to Mordinette for being my first ever reviewer and encouraging me to keep at it. _

_This will be an expansion of my first fic, _Epilogue_. __I plan on keeping to canon with most of the in-game events, but may take some liberties with backstories and dialogues. And if you read my other story, you know I made some minor changes to the ending._

_Please review! I am new at this and would love all your input!_

_It all belongs to BioWare, I just can't leave it alone._

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**12/22/13 A/N: A couple things about this chapter have been bugging me for a while so I decided to do a little editing. Nothing major, just hopefully making it flow a little better and fixing some grammatical errors. :)**

* * *

It is in the shelter of each other that people live. -Irish Proverb

* * *

Mindoir, 2170

Kiliane Shepard was seriously pissed. She may have gotten her father's looks but she certainly got her Irish temper from her mother. No one wanted to be around her when she was angry. So when she heard footsteps behind her in the barn, she knew it could only be one person.

"Keaghan, I at least thought that you would understand. I know Mom and Dad don't get it, but you're my twin brother! You know me better than anyone. How could you take their side?"

"I didn't take their side. I just...understand their side. You're my best friend, Kili. Did you seriously think I would be happy when you said you wanted to leave Mindoir?"

"I'm not leaving right this second! But I have the credits to graduate early, and the Alliance will take me when we turn seventeen as long as Mom and Dad consent. Keaghan, you know I've wanted to be a marine since we got our first toy soldiers. And even if I didn't, it's not like there are a lot of other options for someone like me."

No one was quite sure what to make of Kiliane's biotics-especially since Keaghan had never shown any tendencies. Her doctors said that every other case of biotics and twins they found showed both children being affected. On top of that rarity, Kiliane's abilities were the strongest any of them had ever seen.

Keaghan looked at her sadly, sighing. "I know...I mean, I've always know that you were going to be taking off one day. I just thought I'd have one more year. And so did they. Kili, they're just scared. And fear makes people react...strongly. Give them a little time to get used to the idea-they'll come around. You know Dad can never say no to you and he'll eventually wear Mom down."

Kiliane turned towards her brother. She looked into the eyes that were so much like her own, light grey with the smallest flecks of green. She gave him a small smile.

"So Brother, when did you become so smart?"

"One of us had to get the brains."

She laughed and then sighed.

"I'm sorry I overreacted. Also that I maybe implied you have a strong attraction to sheep...even if it is true."

She easily ducked under his jab, laughing. Turning serious again, she continued, "I've just never belonged here and you know it. But that doesn't mean I won't miss you. No matter where I go, you will always be my home."

"I'd be lying if I said there was a small part of me that wasn't jealous. Taking off to see the galaxy sounds like a great adventure, but you've always been braver than me Kili. And I actually enjoy working the farm. I just don't know who will get me into trouble now."

"Ha! Well, we still have a few months for me to teach you everything I know. Come on, I think I owe Mom and Dad an apology too."

She grabbed his hand and together they started towards the house.

* * *

Several hours later, Kiliane jumped out of bed. She listened intently trying to figure out what had woken her from a sound sleep. After a few seconds, she heard it again. Voices in the yard. She saw a light come on in the hall and heard her mother and father whispering furiously back and forth. Going towards her door, she opened it and peeked out into the hallway. She noticed her brother doing the same so she ran across the hall to his room.

"Kiliane, Keaghan!" She heard her father's whisper. "Stay put while I go see what's going on. Shut that door and don't you dare open it again unless I tell you to!"

They nodded and watched their father make his way to the staircase with his pistol in hand. Their mother followed closely with her own shotgun. James Shepard had insisted that everyone in the family know how to use a weapon to defend themselves. Life on a colony world could be dangerous. They had all heard the stories but so far, they had been lucky and never had to use them.

Aileen Shepard waited and the top of the stairs while her husband continued down to the first floor. After she lost sight of him at the bottom, Kiliane shut the door as he had instructed, joining her brother on the edge of his bed. The next minute felt like an eternity. But then she heard the sound of the front door being forced open and her father shout "Batarians!". Then all hell broke loose and everything started happening way too fast.

She heard shouting and gunfire from downstairs. At some point she heard her mother scream and run down the stairs. They heard the shotgun blast, followed by more gunfire and then...silence. She felt Keaghan reach over, barely registering the pain from the force with which he gripped her hand. Several more seconds ticked by.

Suddenly, the bedroom door burst open and a batarian was pointing a gun in her face. Kiliane sat, absolutely paralyzed. He was shouting something at her but she couldn't focus on anything but the shotgun in front of her. He shouted at her one more time and when she still didn't respond, he slammed his weapon into her face. A gash opened across the bridge of her nose and her brow, blood pouring freely down her face. Her brother jumped up and try to wrestle the gun away from the batarian.

Then the gun went off and she she watched in horror as Keaghan fell to the floor, a large red stain spreading rapidly across his abdomen. Her anger broke the spell and she jumped to her feet and stood in front of the batarian.

"You varren-fucking BASTARD!"

The batarian barely had time to register that she had even spoken. The last thing he ever saw was the small, human girl glowing bright blue and her fist coming straight at his face.

Kiliane had put everything she had into her swing and she felt a sickenly satisfying crunch as his face imploded under her fist. He dropped like a stone to the floor. She stared at him for several heartbeats before the blue glow faded and she turned back towards her brother. He was still conscious-but barely. She ran over and knelt at his side, trying desperately to stop the flow of blood.

"Keaghan, please hang on. Please, you can't leave me!"

"Kili...I'm sorry...I love-"

"NO! No, you are not saying good-bye. Don't you dare say good-bye!"

"Kili! You need to…to run...please…"

Tears streamed down her face as she realized that he was right. It was a miracle that he was even still conscious and there were probably more batarians nearby. If she didn't get out of there she would die too, and his sacrifice would be for nothing. She nodded to him.

"Keaghan, I love you. And...and you were wrong you know. You are so very much braver than I am. Than I will ever be. You always have been."

Openly weeping, she watched as he gave a small smile and took one last, shuddering breath. She watched him for a minute more before reaching over and closing his eyes.

Moving fast, she crossed over to the batarians body and grabbed his shotgun. Quickly and quietly, she ran to the stairs, listening for sounds below. Hearing nothing, she proceeded down to the first floor. Rounding the corner to the front room, she stopped in her tracks at the sight that greeted her.

Her father lay in the middle of the room, her mother right next to him. She knew in her heart that they were dead but she ran over and checked for pulses anyways. Nothing. They were surrounded by three dead batarians. Taking in the scene, she saw that two of them seemed to have been killed by her father's pistol and the third by her mother's shotgun.

"At least you took some of the bastards down with you," she said quietly.

Realizing that there would probably me more batarians coming once this group failed to report back, she grabbed her father's pistol and ran out the door. Scanning quickly to make sure the yard was clear, she made her way towards the barn. She and her brother had spent hours playing hide and seek there and she knew a couple good places to hide out from the slavers.

And she knew that's what they were. That's what the pistol was for. During her father's weapons training, she had taken to the shotgun just like her mother, but hell if she was going to be taken as a slave. If the batarians found her, it would be much easier to turn the pistol on herself.

Luckily, she didn't need it. The next person she saw was an Alliance marine.


	2. Janowski

**A/N: ****_Thank you so much for the follows. And a special thanks to Jules Hawke for the words of encouragement. _**

**_All feedback is greatly appreciated!_**

**_BioWare owns all, I just a can't leave it alone._**

_Akuze, 2177_

Shepard still wasn't sure what to make of Commander Leon Janowski. Even after six months under his command, she just couldn't get a read on him. Most of the time he was a complete hard-ass, making her feel like she couldn't do anything right. But then there were moments that she almost felt something akin to affection from him. And she was grateful for the times, such as now, when he seemed to take her under his wing. Hell, who wouldn't be? He was highly regarded in the Alliance, having been awarded the Star of Terra for his actions in defending Elysium last year. She knew she could learn a lot from him-if he cared to teach her. And when he addressed her, she knew that is exactly what he was trying to do.

"So, what do you think Lieutenant Shepard?"

He had called her and the three other highest ranking officers into a nearby building for a quick sitrep. She carefully considered their mission and current situation before she answered him. The new colony on Akuze had suddenly stopped all contact a little over a week ago. Commander Janowski's team had been sent to investigate. Having just arrived, they found the settlement completely intact but with no trace of the pioneer team that was supposed to be there. They would certainly need to do some scouting of the nearby area, but it was late and the light was fading fast.

"Well, Sir, we've scouted out the entire settlement and there doesn't seem to be any indication of what happened. We will need to expand our investigation to the surrounding area. However, we are beginning to lose daylight so I suggest we make camp for the night. We can resume the search in the morning."

He considered briefly and nodded. "So be it. Lieutenant Briggs, set up a patrol on our perimeter and have everyone make camp. We'll send out scouting patrols in all directions at first light. Dismissed."

* * *

"Lieutenant?"

Shepard was on fire-wasn't she? God, it certainly felt like it. It also felt like she had been run over by a Mako. She felt pain everywhere. Throbbing, aching...and burning. What the hell happened? She tried to roll over but her legs seemed to be pinned down by something. Groaning, she slowly opened her eyes.

Oh.

"Well fuck me," she muttered under breath.

That explained it. She felt like she had been hit by a Mako because she had. Sort of, at least. Her legs were currently pinned by a crate-which was in turn pinned by a Mako. Luckily, it had all landed on her in such a way that, while not exactly pleasant, hadn't seem to cause any major damage to her legs. The burning seemed to be caused by a green substance that coated her armor and was seeping through the cracks.

"Lieutenant! Oh, thank God you're alive!"

She turned her head to the left to see Commander Janowski kneeling next to her.

"Sir, what the hell happened? I was patrolling the northern perimeter when I heard screams and gunfire coming from the south. I was almost back to camp when the ground started shaking under me and that's all I remember"

"I don't know Kiliane. I've honestly never seen anything like it. They're monsters. You ever see that old vid from the 20th century? Dune, I think it was called. Giant worms in the sand?"

The first thing that struck her was that he had called her by her first name. He had never done that. Second, he wasn't looking at her when he spoke. He was staring off into the distance, seemingly at nothing. And he was rambling-about giant monsters from an old vid. What the hell? He didn't wait for her to answer him.

"Anyway, that's what this was. I think...I think they're thresher maws."

She blinked at him. "Thresher maws? I thought krogan just made them up to sound tough."

"Yeah, no one has ever encountered one that I know of-at least in the Alliance. We know almost nothing about them. God damn it! They were spitting this green acid out of their mouths. It burned through everything it touched."

"Yeah, I think I got a bit of that."

He finally looked down at her. For several long seconds he just stared at her. There was a haunted look in his eyes that made her shiver despite the heat of the planet's surface. But he shook his head and the look was gone, replaced by one of determination. He picked up a large chunk of metal debris sitting nearby.

"Ok, Lieutenant. We need to get you out of there. If I break this crate it should free your legs, but that is what's supporting the Mako. Do you think you can move out from under there before the whole thing comes down on top of you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Okay, on the count of three. One. Two. Three!"

He smashed the crate and she moved out as fast as she could. She rolled clear of the Mako just before it finished off the crate and came crashing to the ground. Janowski ran to her side and helped her get to her feet. Her legs protested and each step made her armor shift, causing more acid to make it's way to her skin. Grimacing, she fought through it and with the commander's assistance, she was able to make her way over to a smaller intact crate and sit down. Then she looked up at him and asked a question that she was afraid she already knew the answer to.

"Where is everyone else?"

"Gone...all gone. For Christ's sake, it all happened so fast! These...things were attacking, men were screaming and shooting. Almost fifty marines, all shooting at them and they just kept coming. They were grabbing men and dragging them off. I saw someone-God help me, I don't know who-I saw them get hit in the face with that acid and he just...melted. I got hit in the back-my communication system's been fried. I was looking for another way to call for pickup when I found you. I..I thought I was the only one left…"

"Sir, I'm pretty sure my comms are fried too. But what about the Mako? We should be able to use the radio in there to contact the shuttle."

She purposely chose to ignore everything else he had said. If she focused on the thought of something being out there that was able to decimate an entire unit of Alliance marines in a matter of minutes, fear would creep in. Seven years ago she had made a promise to herself: she would never let fear paralyze her again. And it may seem cold, but she knew the time to grieve for her fallen comrades was later. Right now she and the commander had to call for a pickup and get the hell out of here. He nodded at her.

"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing right before I found you. The thing actually looks like it's relatively intact."

They walked over to the Mako, which by some miracle had landed upright, and climbed inside. Remarkably, everything seemed to be in working order, including the comm system. Janowski made the call to their ship, briefly explaining their situation and requesting a pickup. They were to rendezvous at the LZ in one hour.

Shepard punched a few buttons and while she waited for the Mako to power up, she turned to Janowski.

"Sir, is this my fault?"

He turned towards her sharply. "What?"

"Well, sir, maybe if I hadn't suggested we make camp right away, and if we had scouted more of the area last night…"

"Two things Lieutenant. First, I wouldn't have agreed with it if I didn't think it was the right call. Second, I don't think it would have made a difference. You didn't see it. They carried everyone off. When I say they are gone, I mean gone."

He sighed and shook his head.

"No, it is not your fault. Shepard, you are an excellent marine and an even better officer. No matter the situation, you keep a level head and consider all the options. I've always known you were going to do well in the Alliance."

"Always, sir?" Something about the way he had said that word made her think he meant longer than the time she had been assigned to his unit.

He looked at her, studying the confused expression on her face carefully before he quietly answered.

"You really don't remember me, do you?"

Shepard looked back at him, trying to place him in her memories. She'd first met him six months ago, when she was assigned to his command. Hadn't she? She tried to picture him a few years younger, without the lines that the duties of command had left on his face.

_Kiliane sat hidden in the corner of the barn, one hand clutching the pistol and the other resting on the shotgun in her lap. She heard footsteps nearby and held her breath. When a man appeared in front of her with an assault rifle, she pulled the pistol up and pointed it straight at his face._

_He didn't even flinch. He calmly put his own weapon down and spoke to her, quietly and evenly._

_"It's ok now. The Alliance is here."_

"Mindoir. You...you're the one who found me! How did I not remember that?"

He gave a small, sad smile and answered her, "Well, I never told you my name or even took off my helmet. Plus, you'd just been through hell. Not that you were showing it then. Shepard, I had gone through your house before I came out to that barn. I saw what happened in there-what you went through and what you did. You weren't panicked at all when I found you. I had no doubt at all that you would have used that pistol on me if you had thought for one second I was a threat. But you just calmly analyzed the situation and laid your weapon down."

Shepard spoke so quietly he almost didn't hear her, "I panicked earlier. When the batarians showed up. My brother...he had to jump in and protect me. He died because I froze. I watched his life slip away and I vowed never to fail like that ever again."

"No, his death is on the slavers, not you."

"Of course, sir. They are one hundred percent to blame for everything that happened that day. But I owe it to my brother and my parents to be better than I was. They sacrificed themselves so that I could have a chance. And if I don't make the most of that chance, I'm not honoring them in they way they deserve."

He smiled at her and started to reply when the ground suddenly started shaking beneath them. The Mako flew threw the air and landed upside down, tossing them both about the cabin. They landed awkwardly, tangled with each other on the roof. Shepard ran to the controls and tried to fire the thrusters to right them. She managed to get them on their side but no further. She climbed up to the door and glanced outside, taking stock of everything around them.

Closing the door again, she climbed down, looked and Janowski and said, "That's a big fucking worm. Sir."

"There's only one out there?"

"Only one that I saw."

"Okay, here's what we are going to do. Before the rest of his buddies show up, you are going to make a run for it towards the LZ. I'm going to stay to stay in here and fire the cannon at that son-of-a-bitch to keep him off you."

"No."

"Excuse me Lieutenant?"

"I said no. We are getting out of this together. There has to be something else we can do."

"It wasn't a question Lieutenant, it was an order. Get your ass out there and get ready to run when I start firing this thing."

Shepard thought furiously, searching for some other plan that would get them both out of there. She kept coming up blank. Janowski tried a different tactic.

"Kiliane, you know what you have to do. Stay alive. Honor them."

"Damn you!" she said, tears in her eyes.

"You are meant to do great things, I just know it. Dying here on fucking Akuze is not your destiny. So, go. Get out of here and run! I'll fire everything I got at this guy and then I'll be right behind you."

They stared at each other for several seconds before she nodded and climbed up to the door of the Mako. She climbed out across the top, closing the door behind her. Dropping down to the ground, she took one last look back and then took off running towards the LZ. She felt the ground shaking behind her and knew the maw was closing in. Then she heard the Mako's cannon fire and heard a horrible screeching. She didn't stop to look back but kept running for the horizon.

She waited at the designated landing zone, watching back the way she had come, waiting for Commander Janowski. By the time the shuttle arrived, she had to finally admit to herself what she'd know since he sent her away: he wasn't coming.

One week later, she received notice of her new assignment. It seemed that Leon Janowski had gotten off one more transmission before he was killed. And since his recommendation carried a lot of weight, Kiliane Shepard was to report to Rio de Janeiro for N school.


	3. Anderson

_**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows! **_

_**I found this chapter difficult to write since it is getting into the actual game time-line now. I want to continue telling Kiliane's story but I don't really want to rehash what we saw in-game. Plus, this is supposed to be about her interactions with people. I just hope it doesn't seem like I am rushing through things. **_

_**I have used some dialogue straight from the game because it was good and it fit, but mostly added my own.**_

_**Once again, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**_

_**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone. **_

* * *

_Arcturus Station, 2183_

Shepard was not having a good day. Which was really unfortunate because today should have been one of the highlights of her career. She had been hand-picked by Captain David Anderson to be his XO aboard the SSV Normandy, the Alliance's newest frigate. It was a prime assignment. The Normandy was as much a marvel of modern technology as it was a symbol of the healing relationship between humans and turians. There were still a lot of hard feelings on both sides left over from the First Contact War, but their best military minds had come together in designing the one-of-a-kind stealth ship.

Yes, Shepard should have been happy but she most certainly was not. And the large group of reporters sitting between her and the entrance to the Normandy was playing a big part in that.

"No matter much you scowl at them and wish them away, they aren't going anywhere. Believe me, I've tried."

Shepard was startled by the voice behind her. She turned to see Captain Anderson standing there with an amused look on his face. She quickly snapped to attention.

"Captain Anderson, sir. I'm sorry I-"

"At ease, Commander," he said, waving a hand at her to dismiss whatever she was about to say.

"Yes, sir." She turned back towards the group of people standing between her and her destination and sighed. "If they just wanted to ask questions about the Normandy and how I feel being assigned to her, that would be one thing. But no matter how they start, things _always_ end up being about Akuze."

"Ah, yes. Drama, tragedy and scary monsters. That'll always make the ratings go up."

Shepard snorted in disgust. "Exactly. They've never really cared about the truth of the situation or that 49 good men and women lost their lives that night. They only want to dramatize it and make credits. I have no use for people like that."

"I heard that you already had a run-in with one of them on your way here."

Shepard winced, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised you already heard about that. I didn't exactly handle it very well..."

Actually, that was probably an understatement. She would be lucky if the reporter didn't file assault charges against her. She had heard a lot of stupid questions over the years about Akuze and even Mindoir, but every once in a while someone could still come up with one to make her lose it.

"I heard what he said. He may have deserved it but do try to remember you represent the Alliance. I've managed to smooth it over. Just try not to let them get the better of you again. I've learned over the years that the best way to handle them is to just remain calm and state facts. Like you said, they have no use for facts. As long as you don't let them bait you, they end up looking like the vultures that they are. And to be fair, there are a _few_ reporters out there who are actually decent."

"Very few," Shepard muttered under breath.

Anderson chuckled and took a step forward before turning back to her.

"Unfortunately, they _are_ standing in our way. But what do you say we go face them together? At the very least, I can hold you back if things get out of hand."

She laughed, then took a deep breath and followed him towards the dock. She had a feeling she was going to enjoy working with Captain Anderson.

* * *

One week later, Shepard was once again standing with him on the docks outside the entrance to the Normandy. This time, they were on the Citadel and her head was spinning from everything that had happened in the last 48 hours. Their simple shake-down run to Eden Prime had not even remotely gone as planned. Granted, it wasn't exactly supposed to _be_ a simple shake-down run, but even a covert pick-up of a Prothean relic should have been much simpler than what ended up happening. Geth attacking, strange visions, one dead Spectre, and another gone rogue. She really kind of understood why the council had thought she was crazy.

But then they went and named _her_ a Spectre, the very first for humanity. She had a crew ready to follow her after the rogue Spectre, Saren. A crew that included an turian ex-cop, a krogan bounty hunter and a scrappy young quarian, fresh off the flotilla. And she had just been given command of the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. It was a huge honor and she was still trying to wrap her head around it.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, sir, but why?"

"Why what, Shepard?"

"Why me? I'm not really sure what I have done to earn all of this. People have always made a big deal of everything that has happened to me: surviving Mindoir, surviving Akuze...now Eden Prime. But frankly, I feel like all I have ever done is survive. And I've left a lot of people behind in the process: my family, my unit, Jenkins and Nihlus…"

"Sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is survive. And not just survive, but live. You have used every one of those experiences to better yourself as a person and as a leader. You know, Shepard, I've followed your career closely for a long time."

When she looked at him in surprise, he explained, "Leon Janowski was a good friend of mine. When you first enlisted, he told me to watch you and I have. Your instructors in boot camp all said the same things about you. You're calm, cool and collected under pressure. You have an analytical mind that can quickly consider all sides of an issue and all outcomes to a course of action. Your career since has just proven that. And most importantly, at least in my opinion, you inspire the people around you to be better. Everyone who has ever served with you has either seen it our felt it."

"Do you know what Commander Janowski's last transmission was? The one that convinced the brass to send you to N school?" Shepard shook her head and he continued, "He sent a recording of your conversation from inside the Mako."

"Sir?"

"You take defeat, you take the hard times and you use them. Vow to do better. You _said_ it then, _believe_ it now."

Shepard remained silent for a minute and then nodded.

"Okay, sir."

She seemed to consider for a second before adding, "For the record? I do believe that I am the best person for the job. I'm just not sure I've earned it-but I intend to go out there and prove that I can. I _am_ going to find Saren and I _am_ going to make him answer for what happened on Eden Prime."

Anderson smiled, "I know you will, Shepard."

"I just wish you could come along for the ride."

Shaking his head, Anderson said, "No. You know as well as I do that this is for the best. You need to be in charge of this mission, unquestionably, one hundred percent. It may not be how I pictured my career coming to an end but I believe in you, Shepard. If that means I need to step aside, so be it."

"I appreciate it more than I can ever say, sir."

"Then do me a favor? Stop calling me 'sir'."

Shepard laughed, nodded and shook his hand. "Ok, _Anderson_."

Reluctantly, she turned and made her way onto the Normandy, heading straight for the bridge.

"Joker, set a course for the Artemis Tau Cluster. We have an asari scientist to find."

"Yes ma'am. Intercom's open. You got anything you want to say to the crew, now's the time."

Shepard gave a short speech to her crew, making sure they understood just what was at stake on this mission.

"Well said, Commander. Captain would be proud."

"The captain gave up everything so I could have this chance. We can't fail."


	4. Joker

_**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, favorites and follows!**_

_**As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**_

_**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone. **_

* * *

Shepard had just finished briefing the council on their mission on Therum. Generally speaking, it had been a success. They had found Matriarch Benezia's daughter and disposed of some of Saren's troops in the process. And it turned out Liara was an expert on the Protheans. She hadn't really been able to add anything now, but her expertise would probably come in handy down the road.

Unfortunately, the scientist claimed to have no knowledge of what her mother was doing with Saren. In fact, she hadn't spoken with her in years. The council also hadn't been exactly thrilled that the Prothean ruin had been completely destroyed when Shepard had unintentionally triggered a volcanic eruption. After dealing with cranky, condescending politicians, she needed a break.

With that in mind, she headed up to the bridge. She hadn't had a chance to really sit down with her pilot yet and now seemed like a good time. She needed to thank him for pulling them out of the fire-quite literally. Plus, from what she _did_ know about him, Joker would be good for a bad mood.

He turned his head towards her as she walked up to stand next to his seat.

"So, that sounded like fun, Commander. You know, if you ever want me to 'accidentally' lose the connection with the council, just say the word."

Shepard laughed and said, "Thanks, Joker, I'll keep that in mind."

"So, what brings you up here? Come to present me with an award for that spectacular bit of flying I just did?"

"Oh, I suppose I could do that...write up a report, send it in to the Alliance. Have a ceremony with speeches and black ties. If that's what you really want."

"On second thought, I'm good."

"That's kinda what I thought. I do appreciate the assist though, Flight Lieutenant."

"Aw, shucks. So, what really brings you up here?"

"I was just looking for a bit of a distraction and thought I'd take the chance to get to know you better."

"Seriously? Do I have to go through this with you too? I am the best pilot in the Alliance, hands down. Hell, I'm probably the best pilot in the whole damn galaxy. I would have thought I just proved that to you when I pulled you out of an exploding volcano. But no. I still have to justify and explain that I haven't ever had anything handed to me just because of my disease."

Shepard just stared at Joker in shock and confusion. He studied her face, realizing that she really had no idea what he was talking about.

"Well, shit. You really had no idea, did you?"

"I still have no idea what the hell you are going on about. Are you sick?"

Joker sighed and turned back to his control panel.

"I have Vrolik Syndrome, more commonly referred to as brittle-bone disease."

"Ok. It doesn't seem to affect your ability to pilot a ship, so what's the issue?"

Joker looked up at her in surprise. He was used to people making a bigger deal about it. People either assumed that he couldn't really be a good pilot because of it or worse, that he had been given his job out of pity. Well, if she wasn't going to make a thing of it, he wouldn't either. At least not any more than he already had.

"Your guess is as good as mine, Commander."

"Joker, I trust you would let me know if it would in any way affect the mission. If not, you don't really have to tell me anything more about it."

"Of course it won't. Unless you are expecting me to beat Saren in a foot race or arm wrestle the geth…"

When he looked up at her questioningly, she laughed and shook her head.

"No, I don't think that will be necessary. As far as _earning_ your job, scuttlebutt has that you had a much more creative way of landing this gig…"

"Ah, heard about that did you? Yeah, well...what can I say? It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it all worked out in the end, so who's to say it wasn't?"

"I'm not sure how stealing the most advanced ship in the Alliance fleet 'seemed like a good idea at the time', but I'm certainly glad you did it. I'm pretty sure we would have all been toast today without the best pilot in the galaxy to pull us out."

"I'm more than pretty sure."

Shepard laughed again. This was exactly what she had needed after dealing with the council. She could feel the tension easing away. She walked around Joker's chair and plopped herself into the empty co-pilot chair. Joker gave her a wary look.

"Please try not to touch anything. You break it, you buy it."

She held up her hands in mock surrender.

"Relax, I'm just sitting. I promise I won't touch a thing. So, now that you have really had some time with her, what do you think of the Normandy?"

"Oh, she's great! Definitely took some getting used to the shift of balance from that massive drive core and she has a real kick."

He turned to her with a sly grin, "But I had that figured out and adjusted for before I had even officially got the job." Turning back to his console, he continued, "Yeah, the Normandy is probably too much ship for the average Alliance pilot. Lucky for you, I'm anything but average."

"You don't lack for confidence, do you?"

"About my flying abilities? No, not at all. Even if I wasn't the best damn pilot out there, you can't afford to doubt yourself when you do this job. One fraction of a second taken to reconsider what you're doing and you end up with a hole in your hull."

Shepard nodded, "Yeah, that makes sense. I have a similar philosophy in the field."

"That's not to say that I don't go back after the fact to make sure I did everything the best possible way. Even the best has to have a little room for improvement...I haven't found it yet, but I figure it must be there somewhere."

"Don't ever change, Joker."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Commander."

"So, how'd you get your nickname?"

"Ugh. I had to work pretty hard in flight school to prove myself because most people couldn't look past my medical chart. One of my instructors thought it would be funny to start calling me 'Joker' since I never smiled. Real creative. But it's stuck with me since then. And I _was_ smiling at graduation, after I had surpassed every student _and_ instructor in the program."

Shepard smiled and shook her head. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Joker turned to her again.

"So...mission debrief was interesting. You think we can really trust this asari scientist?"

"My gut tells me she is telling the truth. In fact, I'm not really sure she knows _how_ to tell a lie."

"She does seem a little..awkward. And speaking of awkward, that was nice display of jealousy that Lieutenant Alenko showed in there."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, crap. Forgot who I was talking to for a minute there…"

"Joker…"

"It's nothing, really! If you didn't notice it, I'm sure I was just imagining things."

"Uh-huh."

As a matter of fact, Shepard had noticed it. She just wasn't sure what to think about it, so she decided ignoring it was the best course of action at the present time. She would be lying if she said she didn't feel drawn to the Lieutenant but there were many good reasons to not act on that. First of all, there were regulations. While technically they might not apply to her new position as a Spectre, she still felt bound by them. Second, they were in the middle of an important and dangerous mission and no one could afford to be distracted.

She just couldn't decide if she was more distracted now than she would be if she just talked to him about it and got it over with. Sighing, she got up from the co-pilot's chair and waved a hand at Joker.

"Good night, Flight Lieutenant. Thanks for talking with me."

"Night, Commander."

He smirked at her before he added, "Pleasant dreams."

As she walked away, Shepard decided that Joker was lucky he had Vrolik Syndrome. Because otherwise, she may have had to hit him.


	5. Garrus

A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, favorites and follows!

As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.

BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.

* * *

"I hate batarians."

Shepard realized that it probably wasn't fair to lump all of them together like that, but every single batarian she had ever had the _pleasure_ of encountering was trying to kill her, her family, or her teammates. And the group that she was dealing with now was in the process of crashing an asteroid into a planet to take out an entire human colony. So if she was being unfair, at least she had a good reason.

She, Kaidan and Garrus had just fought through a group of them to turn off one of three thrusters that were propelling the asteroid along it's collision course. They were on their way to locate and disable the next two, as well as look for three missing engineers.

"You know, most of the batarians you run into out here are the worst of the worst. Usually pirates and slavers. This though…this is something else entirely."

Shepard was somewhat surprised to hear Garrus speak up. She had taken him on most of her missions but he usually remained fairly quiet. From the little she had spoken with him since he came aboard, she knew that he idolized the Spectres and seemed happy to be away from C-Sec. She worried that he seemed a little too eager to 'work outside the law' but so far, he had followed her lead without question and had proved an invaluable asset to her team. He was a good soldier and an excellent sniper. His style worked well with hers because she had a tendency to charge right into the thick of things. If she got overwhelmed, it was good to know she had someone watching her six who had the skills to easily pick off the enemy without endangering her.

"Well, what admittedly limited experience I have had with them has all been negative. But yeah, they usually seem more interested in earning a profit." She shuddered before continuing, "Not much of that if you kill all of your potential slaves. They usually only kill those that try to fight back."

Garrus didn't respond but thoughtfully looked at the commander as she stared into the distance, lost in her memories. He had done his research on her when he had found out she was the one gunning for Saren, so he knew that she had survived the raid on Mindoir-but not before seeing her entire family murdered by the batarian slavers. He couldn't imagine what had been going through her head when she discovered it was a batarian group behind what was happening on this asteroid.

As the Mako came to a stop, Shepard shook her head and Garrus watched as her face again took on the expression of a woman on a mission. She turned towards him and Alenko.

"Alright, here is the first survey station. Let's see if we can find this engineer."

* * *

"I _really_ hate batarians."

They had already disabled two torches and just now found the last of Atwell's missing engineers. Dead, just like the other two. Shepard was staring down at the body, trying very hard not to see her brother's face. She was failing miserably. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. She knew Garrus and Kaidan were standing behind her, could feel their stares burning into the back of her head. Suddenly she turned around, not looking at them as she brushed past and walked towards the Mako.

"Come on, we have to go find that third thruster and turn it off before this asteroid crashes into that planet."

Twenty minutes later, she felt their gazes on her again as she gripped the pass card for the main facility tightly in her hand and watched Charn walk away. She spun around to face them.

"You guys have something to say?"

Kaidan just shook his head and looked away. Garrus continued to just stare at her for a while before finally asking the question that she knew was on his mind.

"Why did you let him go?"

"Because right now we have bigger fish to fry."

"Um...what?"

"It means we have more important things to worry about."

"But he admitted to coming here to do a slave run!"

"Yes, and any other day, I would have hauled his ass in. If I had tried that now, do you think he would have gone willingly?"

She waited for Garrus to shake his head no before continuing, "Right now, we have a bunch of engineers being held hostage by this Balak. And by letting Charn go, _for now_, we saved ourselves time that we can't afford to waste by sitting here and debating if I made the right call. Move out."

She turned to walk out the door, Kaidan following close behind. Garrus watched them for a bit, considering her words before he finally ran to catch up.

* * *

"I really, _really_ hate batarians."

"Yeah, Shepard. You may have mentioned that once or twice already."

When she turned around to glare at Garrus, the turian raised his hands and clamped his mouth shut.

"You've sure picked a great time to come out of your shell, Garrus."

"Come...out...what?"

"It's another human expression that I don't feel like explaining it right now. I just had to let a fucking terrorist walk away free and I'm pissed off. Now's not the time."

They remained silent for a few minutes as they drove the Mako back to meet the Normandy. They had found Balak and saved the hostages. The planet of Terra Nova was safe, but she had been forced to let Balak go when he threatened to detonate a bomb that he had left with the hostages.

"You didn't _have_ to."

As they stepped out of the Mako onto the Normandy, Shepard whipped her head towards Garrus.

"Are you honestly suggesting that I should have let those hostages die?"

"Yes! Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to complete the mission and this should have been one of those times. That guy was a terrorist who tried to destroy an entire planet! He deserved to die, not to have the chance to go out and do something like this again!"

Shepard stepped right up to Garrus and pointed her finger in his face.

"We never sacrifice people! Never! We start deciding that people are expendable, we start becoming the people that we are after. I know that neither Balak nor Saren would hesitate to sacrifice people to achieve their goals. That does not mean we do the same thing. Am I making myself clear?"

They stood toe to toe, staring at each other for several seconds before Garrus finally sighed and answered, "Yes, Commander."

"I get the feeling you're still not buying it, Vakarian. But listen, we just finished a high stakes mission. We're all on edge. Take some time, consider what I said, and we'll continue this conversation later."

Several hours later, after debriefing the Alliance and catching a shower and some chow, Shepard made her way back down to the lower level. She found Garrus where he usually was: performing maintenance on the Mako. She walked up behind him, and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Got a minute, Garrus?"

Turning around, he answered, "Sure thing, Commander. Actually, I wanted to apologize to you for earlier. I was out of line to question you like that."

"Garrus, I'm not upset that you questioned me-I want you to question me. It's good for me to be held accountable for the decisions that I make. I _would_ rather that you wait until we are alone and not in front of the rest of the team, though."

"Of course, Commander."

"Can I ask you a question, Garrus?" When he nodded, she continued, "What made you decide to leave C-Sec and join up with my crew?"

"Well, first of all, I believe that Saren is a threat to the entire galaxy and this mission is more important than anyone really knows. Second, it was just time. I was sick of all the red tape keeping me from really doing my job. As a Spectre, you don't have to deal with any of that. We can go after Saren without anything holding us back."

"Garrus, the rules exist for a reason. As a Spectre, I may not be bound by them, but I still need to respect them. We can't toss them aside just to get a job done. _How_ you complete the mission matters just as much as _if_ you complete it."

"Yeah, I've been thinking about what you said. That you don't sacrifice people. I've also been thinking about one of the most disturbing cases that I ever had. There was this salarian doctor, Dr. Saleon. He was using people as living test tubes, growing cloned organs inside them to later harvest and sell on the black market. When my investigation closed in on him, he grabbed some of his people and fled. I had wanted them to shoot him down and they refused because they were afraid of collateral damage to the Citadel. At the time, I was angry. I was convinced that the collateral damage would be worth it to bring that monster in. But you've got me thinking that maybe they were right. Maybe it was the right call."

"Those are tough calls, Garrus. So, this Dr. Saleon, did you ever catch him?"

Garrus shook his head, "No, he changed his name and disappeared. I never stopped looking, though. And I think I might have found him. Do you think that we could maybe make a small detour to check it out?"

Shepard considered for just a moment before nodding.

"I think we can do that. Give me the coordinates."

She set a course for the Kepler Verge and the Herschel System. When they boarded the MSV Fedele, they were forced to fight through horrible abominations that used to be people. Shepard was glad that Garrus had asked for her help with getting this guy. He had a lot to answer for. When they finally tracked him down towards the front of the ship, he plead ignorance. Apparently, he had been calling himself Dr. Heart. Bastard. She left the decision of what to do with him to Garrus and she was pleased when he decided to arrest of him instead of kill him on the spot. But then the good doctor decided he wasn't going to go willingly and they had to kill him anyway.

Garrus was upset.

"What was the point of that? Why did I decide to spare him, just to end up killing him anyway?"

"You can control your actions but not how people react to them. You made the correct call. The _right_ call. He made the wrong one and paid for it."

Garrus considered for a second before nodding.

"You're right, Shepard. Thank you. For bringing me here and also for everything that you've given me to think about."

"You're welcome, Garrus. And if it's worth anything, I'm proud of you. You made the right call here and I know that it wasn't easy."

"Thanks, that means a lot. You know, I don't think I've ever met anyone like you."

She smiled at him and together they made their way back to the Normandy.


	6. Kaidan

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, favorites and follows!**

**As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

"Is that a book? An honest-to-goodness, made out of paper, real book?"

Kaidan was sitting at a table in the mess, reading and eating his lunch. Getting lost in the pages of a good book was one of his favorite ways to relax after a difficult mission. At the sound of a familiar voice, he looked up at the person who had just sat down across from him. And then found himself lost for a completely different reason.

At first glance, her eyes were a light steel grey. But as he fell further into their depths, he noticed the flecks of green. A lovely shade of green that became more noticeable when her eyes shone with emotion. Such as now, when they looked...amused? Oh, right. She had asked him a question.

"Sorry, Commander, I uh…"

Kaidan decided not to finish explaining why he had just been staring at her, and instead chose to answer her original question, "Yes. Yes it is. I always bring a few with me on a tour. I guess it's my anchor to home. My mom loves books and my parents have a large library at their place in Vancouver. Mine is nowhere near as impressive as theirs, but I have hard copies of most of my favorites."

"I love books! May I?"

Kaidan nodded and handed the book over to her. He watched the smile on her face get bigger as she took it from him and read the cover.

"The Hobbit? This is one of my favorites too. I remember my dad reading it to my brother and me when we were little. And then I'd make my brother go act out everything they did. I remember one time, we were still pretty young. My parents had to go out and they had one of our elderly neighbors watch us. Mrs. Wallace, I think. Poor Mrs. Wallace. Had no idea what she was in for. I don't even remember what part it was-maybe the trolls, but for some reason I had picked my brother up and I dropped him. Right on his head. Opened up a gash right across the top of his skull. Mrs. Wallace fainted, but Keaghan just jumped right up and wanted to try again."

She laughed at the memory and Kaidan suddenly found it hard to breathe. He had thought she was beautiful from the first time he saw her step onto the Normandy with Captain Anderson. But as she laughed, her face transformed and she was stunning. Her eyes caught his and held for just a second before she blushed and looked away.

Damn it! What was his problem? She was his commanding officer and here he was staring at her like a lovesick teenager. He needed to get a grip! He meant to excuse himself, to get to his workstation and away from her. He really did.

Instead he said, "Would you like to borrow it? Like I said, I always bring a few with me, so I can break out one of my others."

"Really? Are you sure?"

When he nodded, she gave him a huge smile. Then she thanked him, grabbed the book and went towards her quarters. He didn't even realize his eyes had followed her all the way to her door until he heard a snort coming from his left. He looked over to see Ash looking at him and laughing.

"You sure got it bad, LT."

He cursed under his breath and got up from the table, throwing what he hoped was an intimidating glance towards her as he said, "Can it, Chief."

She only laughed again as she answered, "Sir, yes, sir!"

* * *

The following afternoon, Kiliane found Kaidan working on one of the panels outside the med bay. She held back for a bit, watching him work and thinking about yesterday. She had caught him staring at her a couple of times and she had to admit that she had been flattered. More than flattered, she was interested. If she was completely honest with herself, she had felt an attraction towards him from that first moment she came aboard the Normandy and found herself blindsided by his warm eyes and smile. These last few weeks she had been getting to know him better and it had only intensified the attraction. He was strong, driven, intelligent, kind, and passionate.

If only they had met at a different time and place. Despite the fact that she was a Spectre, she was still an Alliance marine and she was his superior officer. They had talked at length about their pasts and she knew they were both dedicated to the Alliance, feeling that it provided them a chance at a life they might not have had otherwise. They were both determined not to do anything to jeopardize that.

Even if that weren't true, they were in the middle of mission where neither of them could afford to be distracted. Unfortunately, she feared that they were both already were. They obviously needed to at least talk about it.

Taking a deep breath, she cleared her throat. He looked up in surprise and then smiled at her.

"Hello Commander."

"Hi Kaidan. I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk."

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well, first of all, I wanted to return your book to you and thank you again for letting me borrow it. It brought back some great memories for me."

"Well, you're welcome but are you seriously telling me you already read the whole thing?"

"Yeah, well, I was having trouble sleeping last night, so...I may have stayed up all night to read it."

His hazel eyes focused on hers and she could see the concern in them. As he took the book from her, he asked, "The Cipher?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I guess my brain is still trying to make sense of it all. Add that to the fact that we just fought a mind-controlling giant plant with an army of spitting zombies at it's disposal and I was having some pretty crazy dreams."

"Ha! Yeah, it did remind me of an old horror vid. I'm surprised we weren't all having bad dreams."

"Yes, well, I guess I'm just special that way. But seriously, thank you again. It was nice to get lost in happy memories instead. Maybe after we catch Saren...maybe it's time for me to go back to Mindoir. After...well, I couldn't deal with it for a long time and I just had everything from my family's home boxed and put into storage. I know the memories will always be bittersweet, but last night they were also comforting."

"Well, then I'm glad I could help, Kiliane."

She looked up in surprise when he used her first name and he suddenly blushed and looked slightly panicked.

"I-I don't know-"

She held up a hand, smiled and said, "No, Kaidan, it's ok. It just surprised me is all. You are usually such a stickler for protocol, even when we're having an informal chat. I actually liked it, you should use my first name more often. No one else does."

"Um, ok."

They stared at each other, neither speaking. As the silence dragged on, Kiliane was cursing herself. She had no trouble charging headfirst into a battle with geth, batarain pirates, or krogan warlords, but put one handsome marine in front of her and she froze. She had no clue how to approach the conversation but she knew it needed to happen. So it just made her fall for him a little more when he finally spoke up.

"So, uh...is this the other thing you wanted to talk about?" he asked, pointing a finger at her and then back at himself.

She sighed and nodded her head. Trying to find the right words, she said, "Yeah, I think we probably should talk about it. I like you Kaidan. A lot. And unless I am completely misreading things, you feel the same way."

He gave her a small smile and said softly, "No, you're not misreading anything."

"We are both marines. We are both feeling bound by regulations that say there's nothing we can do about that. That say that if we act on those feelings, it would only serve as a distraction from our duties. The problem that I'm having is that I'm already distracted. For the first time in my career, I want to break the rules. And I'm not sure how to convince myself not to."

"I don't think I can help you there. I seem to be having the same problem."

Setting the book to the side, he took a step towards her and took her hands in his own. She couldn't hide the small shiver that passed through her when he did. He grinned.

"So, Kiliane, what do we do?"

"I think we focus on the mission so that we can catch Saren and put a stop to the Reapers returning. And do it as fast as we can because for the first time in my life, I am looking forward to the down time after a mission."

She leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks for the chat, Kaidan," she whispered before slipping her hands from his, turning around and walking back towards the elevator.

* * *

**A/N: The part where Shepard describes goofing around with her brother is based on something that my brother and I did when we were kids. The 'elderly neighbor' was actually our great-grandmother who I'm pretty sure was hesitant to babysit us again after that. :) **  
**And just like she found the memory bittersweet, so do I. I lost my brother a couple years ago, and with the holidays coming up, I've been thinking of him frequently. So, that part was for you baby brother.**

**And to all my readers, please wear your seatbelt. They really do save lives.**

**Lots of love,**

**Lola**


	7. Liara

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews, favorites and follows!**

**As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

"Wait, did you say that Matriarch Benezia is here? Right now?"

The woman didn't look pleased at being interrupted, but she nodded her head.

"Yes, she arrived a few days ago with a squad of commandos and several large crates. She went up to Peak 15 but a snowstorm has since closed access to the area."

"I see. Excuse me for a moment."

Shepard pulled Garrus and Kaidan aside. They had just arrived on Noveria to investigate Geth activity in the area. They hadn't even gotten into the port yet and had already had all sorts of trouble. It was all from the local corporate security and mostly just annoying. Finding out that Benezia was here made her think they were in for a lot more. And with commandos and crates of what she was sure were geth, she was certain it would be less of the annoying variety and much more deadly.

"Garrus, I need you to go back to the Normandy for me. The Matriarch is here and it sounds like she is ready for a fight. I want everyone prepared for trouble and a quick exit."

She thought for a second before adding, "And can you send Liara back here?"

He nodded and headed back towards the dock. A few minutes later, Liara made her way to them.

"Shepard, is it true? My mother is here?"

"Yes, apparently."

"Ah. So you wish to make sure that I will not be a problem?"

"No Liara, I trust you. I actually want you to come with us."

Both Liara and Kaidan looked at her in shock. She chose to ignore Kaidan, instead focusing her attention on the asari.

"I know you haven't spoken with her in years, but you still know your mother better than any of us. If there is any way to reason with her, to maybe find out exactly why she has allied herself with Saren, I'm hoping that you can help. After speaking with Shiala on Feros, it sounds like she may have been brainwashed. But I still feel like there is some piece to this puzzle that we are missing."

Shepard hesitated before continuing, "Liara, I'm hoping we can talk to her, but it sounds like she came prepared for a fight...and if what Shiala said was true, she may no longer be capable of seeing reason. But I want you to know that I don't expect you to fight against your mother."

Liara did not hesitate. She met Shepard's eyes and said, "I am with you. The fate of the galaxy may be at stake here. You do not need to worry that I will turn against you."

Shepard nodded.

"Good. Let's move out."

* * *

Several hours later, Shepard made her way to the med bay to check on Liara. They had found Matriarch Benezia and received information from her that would help them to track Saren down. Unfortunately, they had been forced to kill her when it became clear that her mind was no longer her own. She had a few brief moments of lucidity before the end and Shepard was grateful for that. Not just because of the important information they were able to get from her, but also because Liara was able to get a small amount of closure.

The door to Liara's quarters hissed open and the she looked up from her work as Shepard walked through.

"Commander, have you come to check up on me?"

"I wanted to see how you were holding up. I can't even imagine how difficult that must have been for you."

"I am fine Shepard, but I thank you for your concern. I have chosen to remember my mother as she was. Before Saren infected her mind. And I am grateful to you for bringing me along. Although it was difficult to see her as she was, I was glad to have a chance to say goodbye."

"I'm sure she was glad to have you with her at the end as well. And to have a chance to tell you that she was proud of you."

Liara gave her a small smile. Shepard saw the sadness in her eyes but she also saw the strength. She had to admit that she had been impressed by the way the asari had handled herself throughout the entire mission on Noveria. She knew that all asari had biotics but Liara had still surprised her. Since coming aboard the Normandy, she had been quiet and reserved, but in battle she had not hesitated to show the full force of her abilities. Maybe she should take her on missions more often.

For now, she just laid her hand on Liara's shoulder and said, "If you need anything at all, let me know, ok? It's important to take time and grieve."

"I suppose that you understand that all too well."

"Oh?"

"Oh! I-I'm sorry. I was...curious about you and so I did some research into your past. I wanted to see what has brought you to this point and made you who you are."

"Liara, if you wanted to know about me, you could have just asked. Of course, I understand that you felt like you needed to know more about me. We are all strangers to you."

Liara smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you for understanding. I am sorry I did not just come to you with my questions. I have never dealt with humans before. To be honest, I don't deal with many other people of any species. If you couldn't tell."

Shepard laughed and said, "Yeah, I kind of figured. So, you spend a lot of time alone when you are doing a dig?"

"Yes, for the most part. Sometimes I have some other people around to assist. But I prefer to work alone. I find that I am able to concentrate and focus better that way."

"Do you ever get lonely?"

Liara nodded.

"Yes, sometimes. In fact, I find that I am enjoying being a part of your crew. Being among so many other people, I am learning so much. Thank you for letting me be here. And thank you for trusting me today. That means a lot to me."

"You haven't given me any reason not to, Liara," She chuckled before continuing, "And I'm honestly not sure you would know how to lie to me even if you wanted to."

Liara laughed and said, "You are probably correct. It is certainly not something I have had much experience with."

"I was, however, very impressed with your combat skills today. You know how to handle yourself in battle."

"Well, I do spend a lot of time alone in remote locations. I had to learn how to protect myself."

"Huh. I hadn't considered that, but it makes sense."

Shepard carefully studied Liara before continuing, "I think I may have misjudged you. You are certainly stronger than I gave you credit for. It's just a hidden strength, not on display, but taken out when needed."

Liara blushed.

"Thank you, Shepard. I truly appreciate your kindness. For now, I think I would like to be alone with my memories. But maybe we could talk more tomorrow?"

Shepard smiled and said, "I look forward to it. Remember what I said, Liara. If you need anything, just let me know."

* * *

The next day, Shepard was in her quarters reading over reports when she heard a soft knock at her door. Setting the datapad aside, she walked to the door and opened it to find Liara on the other side.

"Hello Shepard. I was wondering if you had some time to talk?"

"Sure Liara."

She smiled at the asari and led her inside, offering her a chair.

"How are you doing today?"

"I am well, thank you. I wanted to thank you again for yesterday and to tell you that I enjoyed talking with you."

"I'm glad that we had a chance to talk as well."

Liara shifted in her chair and twisted her hands nervously.

"Liara, is something wrong?"

"Shepard, I...am not very good at this..."

"Just take your time"

Liara took a deep breath before continuing, "Shepard, I find myself attracted to you and I wonder...I wonder if there is a chance you might feel the same."

Shepard just sat in shocked silence for several long seconds. She had not seen this coming at all. Liara started fidgeting again and she realized she had to say something.

"Liara, I...am flattered, but I need to be honest with you. I think that you are a wonderful person and I am truly glad to have the chance to get to know you. But I do not find myself attracted to you. Plus...there is someone else."

"I see. The lieutenant."

It was not a question, so Shepard did not answer.

"Well...I feel rather foolish."

"Liara, please don't feel that way. I-"

Suddenly, Joker's voice rang out overhead.

"Commander, I have Admiral Hackett on the comm. Big surprise! The Alliance needs you again."

Sighing, Shepard replied, "Give me one minute and patch him through to my quarters."

She turned towards Liara and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I am sorry that I cannot return your feelings, but I really do enjoy talking with you. I hope that we can continue to have these discussions. I think we could be good friends."

"Thank you, Shepard. I think I would like that very much," Liara said softly. Then she gave Shepard a small smile and walked out of the room.


	8. Wrex

**A/N: This chapter kinda got away from me. I blame Wrex. Seriously, if I had to pick one character from any of the games to have a few drinks and shoot the shit with, it would be him. And when I woke up in jail the next morning, it would totally be worth it. :)**

**Thanks again and a million times over for the reviews, favorites and follows!**

**As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

Shepard was taking some time to check out her new apartment on Intai'sei. She had won it from Admiral Ahern when she had beat his 'special' training simulation on Pinnacle Station. It was a nice place. Hopefully, after she caught Saren, she would have a chance to enjoy it.

They were so close to the end of this, she could feel it. Tension was mounting and she had given the entire crew a few hours of shore leave. Then they were headed to Virmire to find out what the salarian infiltration team had uncovered.

She was looking through the messages on the terminal when she heard a chime at the front door. Walking over and opening it, she was surprised to find Wrex on the other side.

"Wrex?"

"Shepard."

"Um, hi. Come on in."

She stepped back from the door and indicated towards the other end of the apartment where a table and chairs were set up. Wrex looked around the apartment as they walked over and sat down.

"Nice place you got here, Shepard."

"Thank you."

Shepard studied Wrex across the table. She couldn't figure out what would bring him here. He wasn't usually one to seek out other people. The few times that they had spoken, she had sought him out and had practically had to force a conversation from him. Of course, it was always worth it. There was something about the mercenary that she really liked, certainly more than most other krogan that she had met. He had a sharp mind and didn't seem to be as quick to violence.

After sitting in silence for a while, Shepard realized he wasn't going to be starting this conversation either. She would need to pry whatever it was that he wanted out of him.

"So Wrex, I'm sure you didn't come here just to look at my apartment. What's up?"

He sat silently watching her across the table for a few more seconds before he finally answered.

"Hmm...you remember when you asked me why I became a mercenary?"

"Yes, you gave me some shit answer about earning credits. Obviously not the real answer, but I figured you didn't want to talk about it."

"Ha! You're smarter than you look Shepard."

She narrowed her eyes at him and said, "Uh-huh. So, what's the real story?"

"After the uprising, I tried to get the tribes on Tuchanka to work together. Some felt we should continue the fight, but we didn't have the numbers. I thought we needed to focus on breeding and growing stronger. At least for one generation. And I was getting support. But, there was a warlord, Jarrod, who strongly opposed me. He just wanted to fight and didn't care who. If it wasn't the turians and salarians, he focused on other krogan. He didn't like that people were starting to follow me, so he called for a Crush."

"A Crush?"

"A meeting of tribes on neutral ground. He chose The Hollows, a sacred place containing the graves of our ancestors. Violence is forbidden there."

"So, you suspected a trap?"

Wrex nodded.

"But even krogan hold certain things sacred. When you are invited to a Crush by your father, you go."

Shepard's eyes widened in surprise.

"Jarrod is your father?"

"He was. Until that day. We tried talking and it went nowhere. When he could see he would not be able to turn me or my supporters, he gave a signal to his men. They had been hiding in the graves. My people were quickly overrun and it came down to me and Jarrod. The fight was brutal. I managed to escape with my life, but not before I sank my dagger deep into my father's chest."

"So, why did you leave?"

"Because I realized what my people had become. The genophage will not kill the krogan, Shepard. They are doing it to themselves and I wanted no part of it."

She considered for a moment before asking, "So, why are you telling me this now?"

"Before I left, I made an oath to my father's father. Our family battle armor, worn by five generations of Urdnot before the war, had been taken from him after the uprising. We were not allowed to have weapons or armor. It was taken by the turian military, but has since ended up in the hands of a profiteer, Tonn Actus. A turian scum who has made millions of credits by selling stolen krogan relics. I swore that I would find it and claim it again for Clan Urdnot."

"Okay, so you've found it. Where is it?"

"I know we have to get to Virmire. But, Shepard, he's _here_. I've received information that some of his known associates have been spotted here in the Phoenix System."

Shepard considered for only a moment before nodding.

"All right. I'll let everyone know we have one more quick stop to make before we hit Virmire."

Wrex met her eyes and said, "I appreciate it Shepard."

He stood up and made towards the door. Shepard followed close behind.

"Wrex, I'm heading back to the Normandy myself. Do you want a ride?"

He looked out the window at the Mako sitting there and then back at her. He grimaced.

"Um, thanks. But I think I'd like to walk."

As he walked out the door, Shepard called after him.

"Oh come on! I'm not _that_ bad!"

Wrex just chuckled and kept walking.

* * *

A few hours later, Shepard finally got him into the Mako with her. Their scans of the Phoenix System had turned up a structure on Tuntau and Joker was getting ready to drop them nearby. They landed easily on the nearest patch of open terrain and Shepard pointed them towards the blip on the radar that indicated the structure. She could hear Wrex mumbling in the back.

She couldn't quite understand everything he said, but she swore she heard, "Not that bad, she says….allowed to go _around_ the mountain for Vaul's sake…"

"Put your harness on and quit your whining. I swear, you are the biggest baby of a krogan that I have ever met."

She heard Kaidan snort, followed shortly by a growl from Wrex. Laughing to herself, she continued over the mountain towards their destination. As they got close, she looked down at the radar.

"Guys, get ready. I'm seeing several heat signatures."

Sure enough, as soon as the structure came into view, they were under fire. Kaidan and Wrex easily dispatched of the outside guard with the Mako's weapons and she drove up to the door. They all exited the vehicle and cautiously approached the building, entering into a small front room. It was empty except for stacks of crates along the walls.

Wrex looked around and some of the cargo and then met Shepard's eyes.

"This is the place."

She nodded to him and then looked to Kaidan, who was running a scan of the room beyond.

"What do you got, Lieutenant?"

"I'm reading at least nine heat signatures spread out throughout the main area, on the other side of this door. Most of them are on the main floor, but I've got two up high. Probably snipers."

"Okay. You and I will take cover on either side of the door. Wrex, I'm letting you taking point on this one."

He nodded gratefully to her and they all got into position. On his signal, they all made their way into the room. Making their way from cover to cover, they systematically took out all the pirates until only Actus himself remained. He was wounded and they had him cornered. She saw Kaidan start towards him and stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"He's all yours Wrex."

She and Kaidan walked away to go look through some of the crates. They had made their way up to the second level when she heard a shotgun blast. A few minutes later, Wrex joined them in the storage room, making his way towards a safe on the back wall. He tried to open it for a bit and then threw his hands up in frustration.

"Argh! Damn thing is locked."

Kaidan moved up and said, "Here, let me."

He hacked into it within seconds, the door swinging open. Wrex pulled out an old, battered set of krogan battle armor. He ran his hands over it, looking at it and not saying a word. It was obviously what they had come for, so Shepard and Kaidan made to leave. She was halfway out the door when Wrex spoke.

"Shepard."

She stopped and turned towards him but didn't say anything.

"Thank you. It may look like a piece of junk and honestly, it is. But it's _my_ piece of junk."

Shepard met his eyes and nodded once.

"Anytime Wrex."

Turning towards the door, she said, "Now, let's go find out what the salarians found on Virmire."

* * *

"Is he going to be a problem?"

Shepard watched Wrex walk away from her on Virmire. He was angry and he honestly had every reason to be. So when the salarian captain asked if he was going to be a problem, she silently hoped that he wouldn't.

But out loud she said, "No. I'll go talk to him."

As she walked along the beach towards Wrex, she thought about the situation. They had landed on Virmire and found the infiltration team, lead by Captain Kirrahe. His team had discovered a breeding facility on the planet. A _krogan_ breeding facility. Saren had somehow cured the genophage and was making an army of krogan to follow him. Kirrahe had requested backup from the Council to take out the facility, but their message had not been clear. So they had sent Shepard and now they were stuck. Saren had been alerted to their presence and they wouldn't be able to leave without being shot out of the sky. So, they were going to have to figure out how to complete the mission with the limited resources they had.

And she had to deal with a very angry Wrex, who was understandably upset about the idea of destroying the only known cure to the genophage. She approached him cautiously. He had his shotgun out and was...shooting fish.

"Wrex?"

He didn't look up and just said, "Shepard."

"I'm not even going to try and pretend I know what you are feeling right now. I sincerely wish that we didn't have to do this."

With a growl, Wrex turned around and pointed his shotgun at her.

"Explain to me exactly why we _need_ to destroy the only known cure for my people, Shepard. Why is it _necessary_?"

She didn't flinch. She raised her hands in the air before taking a step towards him.

"Wrex, I need you to think about this carefully. Think about Jarrod and why you left Tuchanka. Saren has manipulated these krogan, using their love of the fight and their hatred of the genophage. He is _using_ them. This is not what you want for your people, is it? This is not the path to securing your future."

He didn't respond. The longer they sat there, eyes focused on each other, the more nervous she became. She thought she knew him, what he was about, what he wanted. But what if she was wrong? What if the desire for a cure clouded out every other rational thought? Just when she had decided to reach for her own weapon, he put his away and spoke.

"Okay. I trust you Shepard. And you're right. I don't want my people used as tools. Again. I'm still not happy, but you have been a friend to me and I will follow your lead."

She put her hand on his shoulder and said, "I appreciate it Wrex. I know it's not easy and I am truly sorry to have to ask this of you."

He sighed before asking, "So, what's the plan?"

"I'm not sure yet. I've got to go check in with Kirrahe. Get everyone together for me and I'll be right back."

After she checked in with the salarian captain and heard his crazy, suicidal but decidedly _brilliant _plan, she made her way back to her crew and explained it to them.

"Okay, I need a small team with me. Kaidan, I'm sending you with the salarians. No heroics, understood? You only need to be a distraction."

"Yes ma'am."

"Garrus, I want you with me. Wrex, I'm leaving it up to you. You come with me and you'll be fighting against Saren's krogan. Or you can guard the bomb and I'll take Liara."

"I'm with you Shepard."

"Good. Okay, then. Everyone else stay with the ship and protect the bomb until Ashley can get it in position and arm it."

She met everyone's eyes in turn and said, "You all know what to do and you all know what's at stake. Fight like I know you can and I'll see you _all_ aboard the Normandy when we're done."


	9. Kaidan 2

**A/N: So, yeah. This chapter is a bit longer than my others. And it contains a little bit of...adult stuff...near the end. I've never written anything like that before, so I hope I did all right. :)**

**As we here in the U.S. approach our Thanksgiving holiday, I want to say how incredibly THANKFUL I am for all of you who take the time to read, review, favorite, follow my stories! **

**And let you know my updates might not be as frequent moving into the holidays. We usually have a lot of traveling to do. I have one more chapter planned to bring the events of ME1 to a close, and I should be able to get that one out fairly soon, but it might slow down a bit after that.**

**As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**

**Aaaand….BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone. :)**

* * *

"_What the hell do you think you're doing Chief?"_

"_I'm making sure this nuke goes off."_

"_Ashley!"_

"_It's done. Go get the lieutenant and get the hell out of here."_

"_Negative! We can hold our own. Go get Ash."_

"_Screw that, Lieutenant! Commander, you know what you have to do."_

"_...Joker, meet me at the AA tower. Kaidan, we're on our way...I'm sorry Ash...I'm so sorry."_

"_Don't be Commander. It's the right call and we all know it."_

Kiliane sat in the comm room with her head in her hands, going over the mission again and again, looking for where she went wrong. The final conversation between the three marines kept repeating in her head, haunting her. She'd lost people before. Hell, she had lost everyone in her unit on Akuze.

But this was different. She had _chosen_ to leave Ashley behind. And she was desperately trying to figure out if it had been a personal decision or a professional one. She heard the door open, but didn't look up. She knew everyone would be coming in for the debrief, but she wasn't ready to face them yet.

"Kiliane."

When she didn't answer him, Kaidan knelt down in front of her. He put a hand behind her head, forcing her to meet his eyes before he spoke.

"First, this wasn't your fault. You had to leave someone behind, and that _wasn't your fault_...I just... need you to tell me that she didn't die because of me. Because of us."

She felt the tears, but she refused to let them fall. She looked into his eyes and saw her pain echoed there.

"Kaidan, I...I don't know what to say. By going to you, I was able to pull what was left of the infiltration team out as well. That was the right call, I don't doubt that. But I don't...I don't know if I would have made the same call if you had been with the bomb…"

He didn't answer her right away, he just studied her face intently. She had no idea what he was thinking but she could tell he was considering everything. She felt a single tear break loose and fall.

He reached up and gently wiped it away before saying softly, "Kiliane, answer a question for me. Honestly. Before...before it all went down, which assignment would you have said was the most dangerous? Arming the bomb or going with the salarian teams?"

"The salarians."

"Okay. And what made you decide to send me with them? With my tech background, I would have seemed the logical choice for the bomb."

"Because...Ashley had made it clear that she did not like working with other species and that worried me. I trusted you more with that assignment. She had enough basic tech knowledge to arm the bomb."

"And that decision was made because you thought it would leave the best chance of success. Right?"

She nodded and he continued, "So, even though you knew there was a higher chance of something happening to me, you still sent me where I would be the most useful. For the good of the mission. Why do you think you would have done differently an hour later?"

She thought about his words, considered them carefully. And she decided that he was right. It probably would have broken her, but if their situations had been reversed, she would have still chosen to rescue the infiltration team.

She cradled his face in her hands and brought her forehead down to meet his, whispering, "Thank you, Kaidan."

They pulled apart as the rest of the team started to arrive.

Liara offered to join their minds again to try and make sense of the vision she had received from the second beacon. She was able to put the pieces together to recognize Ilos as the location of the Conduit. Relief washed over Kiliane. They finally had a target.

She dismissed everyone and gave her report to the council. They were unhelpful as usual, refusing to send her any reinforcement. After debating it with herself for the better part of an hour, she decided that they would just need to complete the mission on their own. Hopefully, with the Normandy's stealth abilities, they would be able to slip past Saren's fleet undetected.

When she stepped up to the galaxy map to plot her course, Joker's voice broke through overhead.

"Commander, we are to report back to Citadel. Looks like the Council is going to give us those reinforcements after all."

Sighing with relief, she instead plotted the course to the Citadel, telling Joker to get them there as fast as he could.

She was ready to end this.

* * *

Kaidan was worried about Kiliane. The meeting with the Council had not even remotely gone as they had expected. Instead of getting the reinforcements they needed, they had been grounded. The Council, along with the traitorous bastard Udina, had ignored everything she had said, denying the threat of the Reapers and the importance of the Conduit.

She had not said a word as they left the Council's chambers and went back to the Normandy. She hadn't even looked at him as she went straight to her quarters and locked the door. He had given her the privacy she wanted. But it had been an hour and no one had heard from her. He tried knocking on her door and calling her name, but he didn't get any response.

He finally decided to use his hacking skills and pray she didn't shoot him. He sucked in a breath when the door opened and he saw the mess she had made. He didn't even see her until she spoke quietly from the corner on the opposite side of the room.

"It was all for nothing. Jenkins, Nihlus...Ash...they all died for nothing."

Kneeling down in front of her, he said, "I don't think that any of them would say that."

"But it's true. Pretty soon, Saren is going to activate the Conduit and then let the Reapers come and wipe us all out. And I'm stuck here, banging my head against a fucking wall."

To emphasize her point she began to glow a light blue and hit the back of her head against the wall behind them. Kaidan grabbed her shoulders and pulled her forward to stop her from doing it a second time.

"Kiliane, stop. Listen to me. You need to stop beating yourself up and think about this rationally. There has to be something that we can do. No one else on this ship is giving up. And I know that you aren't about to either."

She looked up at him and his heart almost broke at her expression.

"But I don't know what to do. The only thing I know how to do is fight. I don't know how to talk to politicians, to convince them of what we need. I can't just sit here and wait for something to happen. I just...don't know what to do..."

Kaidan stood up and held out his hand to her.

"Well then, we'll figure it out together."

She took his hand and he pulled her up and into his arms. He rested one hand on the small of her back and cupped her cheek with the other, meeting her eyes before continuing.

"Kiliane Shepard, you are an amazing woman. Strong, intelligent, compassionate, and beautiful. Don't let some asshole politicians make you think anything else."

She brought her face up to his and he could feel her breath across his lips.

"Kaidan, I-"

"Uh, sorry to interrupt Commander but I've got a message from Captain Anderson."

At the sound of Joker's voice overhead, they both jumped.

"Joker, are you spying on me?"

"Of course not, Commander. I, uh, just knew you'd be in here and was passing along the message. The captain would like to meet you at Flux."

Kaidan sighed and looked towards Kiliane.

"I guess you better go."

"Oh, he can wait one more minute," she said right before wrapping her arms around his neck and meeting his lips with her own.

It was an intense kiss, all of her pent up frustration being released. He tangled his hands into her hair and deepened it, just as she pulled her body flush with his. He knew that she could feel his reaction to her and she moaned softly into his mouth.

He wanted nothing more than to continue along this course, but knew they couldn't. Reluctantly, he broke off the kiss and rested his forehead against hers.

"Kiliane…"

"Yeah...I should probably go now or I never will."

She looked up at him, placed a hand on his cheek and said, "Thank you, Kaidan."

Placing one more quick kiss against his lips, she turned and walked out the door before he could reply.

* * *

One hour later, Kiliane was sitting at her desk in her quarters, going over all of the information they had one last time. She needed to make sure she hadn't missed anything. They were finally on their way to Ilos, to go after Saren. It had only taken mutiny.

She sighed, hoping that they wouldn't all be facing court-martial for this. She was incredibly grateful to Captain Anderson. He had put his career on the line to get into Udina's office and cancel the lock down so the Normandy could leave. She was also grateful to her crew. She had offered everyone a chance to leave the ship before they left the Citadel, making sure they understood what they were doing. Not one person had taken her up on the offer. They all believed in her. Anderson and every single member of her crew. She had to make sure that their faith was warranted.

So she went back to her reports. She was so engrossed in them that she never even heard the door open behind her. Still, she was not terribly surprised to feel a hand on her shoulder and hear Kaidan's voice.

"Kiliane, do you honestly think that you will find something that you didn't the first five times you read through those?"

"No. But I can't stand this tension, this waiting to get through the relay. I need to be doing _something_."

"And this was the best you could come up with?"

She looked up at his arched eyebrow and laughed, accepting the hand he offered to help her up.

"Okay, Lieutenant. What's your idea?"

"Well, I've found that working up a nice sweat usually helps to calm my nerves before a high-stress mission."

"Oh? And what exactly did you have in mind for working up a sweat?"

"Well, I was thinking we could head down to the gym…"

She saw the teasing glint in his eye and decided to call his bluff. She wanted to see what he would do. The first move had been hers, now it was his turn. She turned away from him and walked towards her locker.

"That's actually a great idea. I'm not sure why I didn't think of it earlier. I _had_ considered target practice, but figured Joker would be mad if I put holes in his ship. Let me just grab my gear and-"

Her sentence was cut off when he grabbed her arm and spun her around. She suddenly found herself pinned between him and the wall. He brought his head down next to hers, turning slightly so his lips were next to her ear. The feel of his breath against that sensitive spot sent a shiver down her spine.

He whispered, "You know what? I have another idea. And I think this one is even better."

As he talked, he moved his hands, just barely brushing his fingertips along her neck and collarbone.

"Oh, and what idea would that be?"

She was surprised that the sentence had been coherent. His feather-light touches were quickly turning her brain to mush.

"Mmm, not sure I should tell you. I think maybe it's better if I show you."

He replaced his fingers with his lips, still just barely touching her skin, but leaving trails of fire in their wake. But it wasn't enough. She wanted more. She _needed_ more. She reached up, grabbing his head and bringing it back so she could look into his eyes, seeing her need reflected in their amber depths.

He finally brought his lips to hers, she felt her knees buckle and would have fallen if he hadn't had her pinned. The kiss started gently but quickly became more intense. He ran his hands down her back to her waist, working one under her top. He reached up and cupped a breast, flicking her nipple through the cotton bra she wore. She moaned and rubbed her pelvis against his, feeling his desire.

He brought both his hands behind her and cupped her bottom, pulling her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist. Not breaking the kiss, he walked them over to the bed and they tumbled in together. They didn't waste any time in removing each other's clothing and then he settled in above her. He held back just a moment and she saw the question in his eyes. She answered by pulling him down for another bruising kiss.

When he entered her, all of her tension, her anxiety and her fears disappeared. As they moved together, she was able to just be a woman and not a marine with the weight of the entire galaxy on her shoulders. When they followed each other over the edge, she felt her world shift. And as she drifted off to sleep, she realized that for the first time since she was a child on Mindoir, she truly felt at peace.

* * *

When Kaidan woke an hour later, it was to an empty bed. Sitting up, he spotted Kiliane, fully dressed and leaning against her desk.

"We'll be at Ilos in twenty minutes, so I need to get out to the CIC."

He nodded. Duty was calling, they had to get back to reality. But first, he had something he needed to tell her.

"Kiliane, I don't know what's going to happen down there, and I don't know if I'll get another chance to say this, so-"

She walked over and silenced him with a finger on his lips.

"No, Kaidan. Save it for when we get back. I want you to know that I haven't felt this good in a long time and I want nothing more than to crawl back into that bed with you, but we both know what's at stake and what we need to do. So for now, just...thank you."

She turned to leave but he grabbed her hand to stop her. Pulling her down to him, he kissed her hard, trying to tell her what she hadn't allowed him to say in words. When she finally pulled away, she gave him a look that took his breath away. It made him think that maybe, just maybe, she felt it too. Then she turned and walked out the door.


	10. Anderson 2

**A/N: Alright, finished with ME1 and set up for ME2. Yay! :) Updates will probably slow down a little bit for a while. I've got a lot of family stuff coming up and I'll be traveling a lot. I want to keep working on it because I'm having a lot of fun, but I just won't have quite as much time. **

**Thanks again for the reviews, favorites and follows!**

**As always, I greatly appreciate any and all feedback.**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone. **

* * *

The Citadel was a mess. Saren's troops had done quite a bit of damage with their initial invasion. And when Sovereign had been destroyed, pieces of the reaper had gone in all directions, impacting several sections of the station. There were multiple fires burning throughout the Wards and the Presidium and keepers were scurrying about, already trying to repair the damage. C-Sec was was trying desperately to keep order as panicked residents were running around, looking for loved ones now that the fighting had finally stopped.

Captain Anderson barely noticed any of it. He was focused on one thing: getting to the Citadel Tower and finding Commander Shepard. They had lost all contact with her and her team when a large chunk of Sovereign had crashed into the tower, which was her last known location. Where she had stopped Saren and prevented, or at the very least delayed, the return of the Reapers. He refused to believe that she was then taken out by a piece of debris.

As he approached the tower, he saw a group of C-Sec agents working near the entrance. Pulling one aside, he asked, "Have you found anyone yet?"

The turian shook his head and said, "No, but we have cleared the entrance. I have a team in there now."

Anderson didn't even take time to reply before he took off to the entrance and went into the tower. The elevator wasn't working, and he was grateful for his military training as he started his way up the many flights of stairs. Along the way, he ran into the C-Sec team.

"I need you with me. We're heading up to the Council's chambers to look for Shepard and her team."

They quickly made their way up to the top and broke into smaller teams to start clearing piles of rubble. He was clearing a section of the stairs leading up to the audience chamber when he heard a shout to his right.

"Captain Anderson, we found them! They're in here."

He rushed over to the small opening the officer had cleared and crouched through it. He found Lieutenant Alenko and Garrus Vakarian partially pinned by rubble on the other side. Moving quickly, he lifted it off so they could scoot out from underneath. He helped them both to their feet. Looking at Alenko's face, he felt dread wash over him. The man was a marine, one of the most professional he had ever worked with. But he had tears in his eyes as he looked in anguish behind them at a one of Sovereign's legs, sitting in a crater that used to be the audience chamber.

Anderson met his eyes and asked, "Shepard?"

The lieutenant just shook his head, the small amount of composure he held obviously ready to crumble. Anderson sighed and dropped his head, telling himself to bury his own grief until he was alone.

Outloud he said, "Come on, let's get you two out of here and to the med station."

He held onto the lieutenant's arm to steady him as they started to make their way back through the small opening. Just as they were ducking down to crawl through, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He stopped and turned around, feeling Alenko do so as well. Studying the wreckage, he searched for what had caught his eye.

And then he saw her. Commander Shepard was climbing over the piles, making her way towards them. She was holding her arm awkwardly, clearly injured but alive. He knew the moment the man next to him saw her because the weight on his arm increased as he sagged with relief. When her gaze moved over to them, he saw her happiness at seeing her team standing there. He met her eyes as she approached them, giving her a small smile and nod. His own relief washed over him as she just grinned back.

They had done it.

* * *

_Ten days later_

"Shepard!"

At the sound of her name, Commander Shepard looked up from the datapad she had been studying. She broke into a smile when she saw Captain Anderson making his way towards her.

"Anderson, good to see you."

As he shook the hand she had offered, he replied, "You too, Shepard, you too. Have you seen Udina yet?"

"No, I just got some intel I had been waiting on, so I stopped to read it before I went in."

"Good, we can go in together then. Less chance of retaliation if I have backup."

Shepard laughed and fell into step beside Anderson as they made their way to the office where they were to meet with the ambassador and the Council. The Council wanted to recognize the part that humanity had played in defending them and the Citadel. Shepard really wanted to be out chasing down leads instead of listening to a speech, but as the first and only human Spectre, her presence was _required_.

"So, Shepard, how was shore leave?"

"It was nice to have a little time to unwind after everything but I'm definitely ready to get back to work."

"And how is Lieutenant Alenko?"

Shepard stopped short and looked over to find Anderson grinning at her.

"What?"

"Oh come on now Commander. I am neither blind nor stupid. Do you really think I hadn't noticed?"

"Um...I...don't know how to answer that, Sir."

Laughing, he replied, "When did I give you permission to start calling me 'sir' again? And don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

"Okay...uh, thank you."

He laughed again before he thankfully took pity on her.

"All right, I'll change the subject. So, this intel? Something to do with the Reapers?"

Much more comfortable with this topic, Shepard nodded.

"Yes, I think so. I don't have anything concrete right now but I know they are still out there. We prevented them from coming through now, but we haven't stopped them entirely."

"I know you're right and hopefully everyone else will believe you now."

"I hope so."

They had reached the office that the Council was temporarily using while the tower was being repaired. Anderson looked at her, reminding her of the first time they had met when he said, "Face them together?"

Smiling, she nodded and they went through the door.

Twenty minutes later, they stood outside in the Presidium as the Council acknowledged humanity's efforts and sacrifices in saving not only the Council and the Citadel, but the entire galaxy. Shepard was hopeful that this meant they were no longer pretending the Reapers did not exist. When they offered humanity a seat on the Council and asked her for her opinion on the representative, she didn't hesitate.

"Humanity needs someone who isn't afraid to do what needs to be done. Someone who isn't motivated by political ambition, but by the desire to protect and serve. I think Captain Anderson should be our representative."

She couldn't help but smile at the look on Udina's face and she only hoped that Anderson wouldn't kill her the next time they were alone. Tevos praised her choice and thankfully, Anderson graciously accepted their offer.

But when Sparatus made a comment about the defeat of Sovereign and acted like it was all over, Shepard decided she had had enough of politics for the day.

"Sovereign was just one reaper. The rest of them are still out there in dark space, waiting to come and finish the job. We have no idea how many there are or when they might come through, but we do know that they wiped out the Protheans and many other civilizations before them. We cannot underestimate them. I am going to find a way to stop them. Starting right now."

And with that, she turned and walked away. She heard Anderson take up where she had left off and knew she had made the right decision.

* * *

_One month after The Battle of the Citadel_

Councilor Anderson was sound asleep when his omni-tool alerted him that he had an incoming message. He ignored it but it kept beeping at him. Whoever it was was very determined to get ahold of him. Sighing, he rolled over and retrieved it from his bedside table, not even bothering to open his eyes as he answered.

"Anderson here."

"Councilor."

Anderson's eyes sprang at the sound of Admiral Hackett's voice. Whatever had him calling in the middle of the night couldn't be good. When he saw his friend's face, his concern only grew.

"Stephen. What's going on?"

"David, we received a mayday from the Normandy a couple of hours ago…."

As Hackett stopped and sighed, Anderson felt a cold dread seep into his heart.

"And? What have you found?"

"The ship was completely destroyed. Several escape pods were recovered and we are talking with the survivors now to try and piece together what happened."

"Survivors….Stephen, stop beating around the bush. Where is she?"

He saw the pain in the admiral's eyes as he answered, "She wasn't in any of the pods. The pilot, Moreau, said she threw him in an one as the ship was breaking apart. He said she was caught in the blast."

"No...I...Fuck! How did this happen? Who attacked them?"

"Like I said, we are still trying to piece it together. I think you and I both have some strong suspicions on who would be capable and motivated to do this though."

"Reapers."

"Or at least an agent of some sort, like Saren."

Sighing, Anderson got out of bed and walked to his closet, blindly pulling clothes out and pulling them on.

"Where are the survivors being taken? I want to talk to the crew."

"We are taking them to the Citadel, it's closer. Huerta Memorial. They should start arriving in about an hour."

"All right, I'm on my way."

"David."

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I know that you felt responsible for her after Leon died. You know this isn't your fault, right? There was nothing you could have done to prevent this."

"Dammit! Are you sure about that? You and I may as well have painted a target on her back when we pushed for her Spectre candidacy."

The three men had served together once a long time ago, and had remained good friends ever since. When Leon had told them about the girl he had found on Mindoir, they had been as impressed as he was with her moxie. They had all watched her progress through the Alliance ranks,and Leon had been thrilled when he had been able to maneuver her under his command.

And then Akuze had happened. Hackett and Anderson had grieved for their friend and Anderson had vowed to continue Leon's personal mission of mentoring the young marine. She had excelled during N school and every assignment she had been on after that. Her name had quickly risen up the list of possible Spectre candidates. They had pushed for it, knowing it was what Leon had wanted for her.

Shepard had remained completely unaware of the roles the three men had played in shaping her future. And really, she had done all the work and earned everything. They had just made sure that the right doors had opened along the way.

"David, you know that's not true. She would have gotten there eventually on her own, with or without our nudging."

Anderson sighed.

"I know that but it doesn't make it any better."

"I know. But, where would we be right now if she hadn't been able to go after Saren and stop the invasion? Do you honestly think anyone else could have pulled off what she did?"

"There are others who maybe could have done it. But, yeah, she was the only one I was absolutely sure about...And dammit Stephen, that makes this even worse. The Reapers are going to come back. What the hell are we going to do then?"

The councilor and the admiral looked at each other through the video chat, silently contemplating. Finally, Hackett sighed and shook his head.

"I don't know, David...I don't know."


	11. Tali

**A/N: Finally! I felt like I've been away forever, even though it's only been a couple weeks. This chapter was done in bits and pieces between my travels, so I hope it flows ok. :)**

**As always, I appreciate any and all feedback I receive!**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone. (Seriously, I've tried. It just doesn't work.)**

* * *

Shepard was pretty sure she was in hell. She remembered the Normandy exploding around her. She remembered realizing her suit had an oxygen leak. She remembered seeing Alchera coming up fast to greet her. And that was it. Nothing after that.

At least until she woke up in a lab with an annoying voice barking at her on a loudspeaker and mechs trying to take her head off. And now she was talking with the head of Cerberus, the group that had supposedly brought her back from the dead. Supposedly. Her money was on this being hell and the man in front of her the devil himself.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me! You are responsible for killing almost my entire unit on Akuze, for killing Admiral Kahoku and his entire team, plus a dozen other monstrosities that I discovered and shut down in my hunt for Saren. You honestly expect me to believe everything you say and just sign up with you?"

"Of course not, Shepard," The Illusive Man said calmly, inhaling on a cigarette and flicking ash off to the side. "All I'm asking is that you take a look for yourself. Go to Freedom's Progress, see what you can find. If you still don't believe that the Reapers are behind the disappearances, then you are free to go."

She thought about it briefly and decided that if there was even a small grain of truth to his claims, she needed to know about it.

"Fine. But this in no way means I work for, agree with or support Cerberus in any way. The only thing I care about is missing colonists and stopping the Reapers."

The devil only nodded and then cut the link. She would go check out this colony and then get as far away from Cerberus as she could. She needed to find her team. Liara, Garrus, Wrex, Tali, Kaidan...Kaidan. She felt a wave of sadness hit her. It had been two years. For her, it had seemed like a few days, but everyone else had thought her dead for _two years_. Surely, they had all moved on by now.

Suddenly, finding her old team didn't seem like a good idea. Even if she was able to track them down, she would probably be reopening old wounds and causing unneeded complications. Sighing, she started towards the shuttle. She hadn't felt so alone since that night she hid from the slavers in her family's barn.

* * *

"Shepard? Is that...you're alive?"

Shepard stared in shock at the quarian standing in front of her. The voice was the same, but the suit and the way she carried herself were different. It couldn't be. Could it?

"Tali, is it really you?"

"I..yes..but, are you really Shepard?"

Well, that was a fair question. She wasn't even a hundred percent sure herself. She racked her brain for a way to convince Tali. A memory came to the surface. A memory that for her seemed to have just happened weeks ago.

"_Hey Tali, I heard you were looking for me."_

_The quarian turned from the panel she had been working on in front of the drive core._

"_Oh, Shepard! Hi! Yes. I was wondering if I could talk to you about the data you recovered from those Geth control nodes."_

"_Ah. I thought you might be interested in that. Are you asking for a copy?"_

"_Well...yes. It would be invaluable to my people, Shepard. This could be exactly what we need to eventually reclaim our homeworld."_

"_I take it this would be a Pilgrimage gift befitting an admiral's daughter?"_

_Tali nodded and Shepard continued, "So, if I give you this, will you leave us?"_

"_No! I mean, not right away. I will stay with you as long as it takes to find and stop Saren."_

_Shepard considered for a moment before she finally answered._

"_I see no problem with you taking a copy of the data. After all, you helped me recover it. Your knowledge of the geth was a huge advantage down there. And just so you know, I would not hold it against you if you did leave with this data right away. I would miss you, but I would understand."_

"_Oh, thank you! For the data, I mean. I have no intention of leaving until Saren has been dealt with. I promise."_

"_I appreciate that Tali."_

Coming back to the present, Shepard looked at Tali.

"Tali, the data we found on Solcrum? Was it as good a Pilgrimage gift as you thought it would be?"

There was silence for several seconds as Tali just stared at her. Finally she answered, "Yes. Yes it was. Weapons down. This is definitely Commander Shepard. What are you doing with Cerberus, Shepard?"

"First of all, I am not working _for _Cerberus. Never in a million years."

"Shepard, you-"

Shepard whipped her head around and glared at the woman standing behind her. Miranda wisely decided not to finish whatever she had been about to say. Turning back towards Tali, Shepard continued.

"They told me about colonies disappearing, so I'm here to check it out. Other than that, I don't know much. I just...woke up yesterday. I guess I...died on Alchera and Cerberus has spent the last two years...rebuilding me. Honestly, I'm still trying to wrap my head around that..."

Shepard trailed off and wondered, not for the first time today, when she was going to wake up from this nightmare.

Tali nodded and replied, "Okay. Then maybe we can help each other out. I don't trust Cerberus, but I trust you Shepard. We are here looking for a quarian who was here on his pilgrimage, Veetor. We saw him when we were landing, but her ran and hid in a warehouse on the other side of the town."

"Why would he come here on his pilgrimage? Isn't a small, human colony an odd choice?"

"Yes, but Veetor has always been a little...uncomfortable with crowds. He wanted to help a small colony."

"Is he the one who set the mechs here to attack us?"

"He most likely set them up to attack anything that moves. Like I said, he's always been a bit nervous. And whatever happened here obviously has him scared."

"Hopefully, he'll be able to shed some light on these disappearances. As far as a I know, there were no witnesses left behind at any of the other colonies."

"Just remember, he's most likely pretty unstable at this point."

"Of course. I'll keep that in mind. So, you have a plan?"

"Yes, my team will circle around the side to draw off some of the drones while your team goes straight up the middle of the colony."

One of the male quarians standing behind Tali had been fidgeting this whole time and he finally spoke up.

"I am _not_ working with Cerberus!"

Tali spun around and pointed a finger in his face, saying, "_I _am in charge of this mission, Prazza. If you have a problem with that, then go back to the ship. Otherwise, you will do as I say."

Prazza wisely decided to say nothing and remain where he was. Shepard was impressed with Tali's transformation. She was clearly in charge. She had always known how to take care of herself, but this was certainly not the same young quarian she had sent back to the Flotilla. Of course, that had been two _years_ ago instead of the weeks it seemed to her.

Sighing, she said, "Okay, Tali. Sounds like a solid plan. See you on the other side."

Tali nodded and said, "We'll leave first. Give us about five minutes head start. And Shepard? It's good to have you back."

* * *

"What!? Veetor is not going anywhere with you! He has been injured, physically and mentally. He needs help, not a Cerberus interrogation."

"We won't harm him. We just need to find out everything he knows. And your team has hardly shown that you would be trustworthy."

"Prazza does not represent me or my people. He made a very poor decision and he and his team paid a high price for it."

"I don't see how that helps us-"

"_Enough_!"

Shepard stepped between Miranda and Tali, not interested in listening to any more of their bickering. They had made it to Veetor, but not before Prazza and a handful of other quarians had been slaughtered by a heavy mech when they had rushed ahead. She turned to Tali.

"Can we copy his omni-tool data?"

"Of course."

Shepard turned to Miranda and Jacob, saying, "Veetor goes with Tali."

Jacob just nodded, while Miranda clenched her jaw, staring Shepard down. Finally, she answered.

"Understood, Commander."

"Good. Now, can you two please go back to the shuttle and wait for me there? I would like to talk to Tali alone."

"Shepard, I don't think-"

"Frankly, Miranda, I don't care what you think. I'm not trying to be rude, but I just woke up and found out that two years of my life are gone. Everyone I was close to has moved on, having presumed me dead. My world has just been ripped out from under me and I'm asking for _five minutes_ of time with an old friend. And you _will_ give it to me."

Shepard was pleased to see a genuine look of shock on Miranda's face. The operative recovered quickly, slipping back into her ice queen persona before simply nodding and walking out the door. Jacob followed closely behind.

Turning back to Tali, Shepard asked, "Will you let me know if you find out anything else from him? Once he's had the necessary medical attention of course."

"Absolutely. Good to see that you are in charge."

"I'm not sure that I am. I am sure they want me to _think_ that." She snorted. "I'm also pretty sure we aren't really alone right now."

"What did you get yourself into this time, Shepard?"

"I don't know Tali. I...don't know what to do now. There is obviously something big going on. Are the Council and the Alliance really ignoring it?"

"I can't say for sure. Since I've been back on the Flotilla, I'm not as current with that intel as I'd like to be. But I can tell you that very shortly after you...died...they pretty much denied anything to do with the Reapers and pinned the whole thing on Saren and the Geth. You know how good the Council is at pretending the Reapers don't exist."

"Unfortunately, yes. So...do you talk to anyone from the Normandy?"

"Not for a long time, no. Liara dropped out of contact almost immediately after...after the Normandy was destroyed. Garrus, not long after that. Wrex went back to Tuchanka and I heard he's actually doing some good there." She paused before continuing. "Kaidan...didn't handle it well. Well, none of us really did, but he was usually so controlled, you know? But he did send me a note about a year ago and it seemed like he was doing better."

Shepard couldn't say anything. She swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the lump in her throat. It was exactly what she had thought. Everyone had moved on...without her. And that is exactly what she would have wanted for them, so why did it hurt so much?

Finally finding her voice, she asked, "So, how about you? Would you be able to join up with me again?"

Tali shook her head but Shepard detected genuine regret in her voice when she answered.

"I wish I could Shepard, I really do. But I have a very important mission to do first. If...if I make it back, we'll talk again."

"_If _you make it back? Tali, that doesn't sound good. What are you doing?"

"As you said, I'm sure we are being listened to and I don't think Cerberus needs to know. I will tell you it's in Geth space, so…"

"Well, be careful Tali. Please. I still think I may be stuck in a very bad dream, but I can't even tell you how glad I am that we ran into each other."

"Me too Shepard. And I meant what I said. No matter what happens, it really is good to have you back."

"Thank you Tali. You have no idea how much that means to me."

Maybe she wasn't quite as alone as she had thought.


	12. Joker 2

**A/N: It feels good to be writing consistently again. I've got my ME2 outline roughed out as well, so I know where I'm going from here. For now. Until something changes. :) I just do better when I have a plan, even if I don't necessarily stick to it. LOL**

**I really, really, super-duper appreciate every single favorite and follow. Every time I get an alert it just makes my day, so thanks!**

**Any and all feedback is always appreciated.**

**And once again: BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

"I haven't even agreed to anything yet and you're already trying to give me orders? Just so we're clear? That will _not _work with me."

Shepard once again stood in front of leader of Cerberus. She had just returned from Freedom's Progress and they were going over the information she had received from Veetor. He wanted her to continue to investigate the colonies and put a stop to the disappearances. It was certainly a mission she could get behind but to say she was hesitant to work with this organization would be a huge understatement. And now he was already telling her how to conduct the mission. If she was doing this, she was doing it _her_ way and he needed to understand that.

"I'm simply letting you know the best place to start. Where you go from there is entirely up to you. We brought you back from the dead because we have faith in you."

"Fine. What's the other thing?"

"I've found a pilot you might like. I hear he's one of the best. Someone you can trust."

And with that cryptic statement, the Illusive Man terminated their connection. _What the hell? _Shepard heard the door open behind her and before she could even turn around, she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, Commander. Just like old times, huh?"

She spun around and couldn't help the huge grin that spread across her face as the pilot limped towards her.

"Joker!"

She felt tears spring to her eyes as she ran over to him and wrapped him in a hug.

"Joker, I didn't...I was afraid...Oh, I'm so glad to see you!"

"Easy Shepard. Brittle bones, remember?"

He laughed as she jumped back.

"I'm sorry! I just didn't know if you...I wasn't sure if...I remember throwing you into that pod and then the explosion and I just wasn't sure if you had survived. And I have been afraid to ask. I'm so sorry."

He stared at her in shock for several seconds before he finally found his voice.

"_You're_ sorry? What the hell? For what?"

"If I had gotten to you sooner, I would have had more time and I wouldn't have had to break all your bones to get you into that pod and off the Normandy."

"Shepard, you have got to be kidding me, right? If anyone should be sorry, it's me! I mean I-I…"

He sighed and looked down at the floor before continuing, "I killed you Shepard."

"What? Joker! You really think that? That's absolutely ridiculous!"

"Oh yeah? If I hadn't been so fucking stubborn, you wouldn't have had to come and drag my sorry ass out of my chair. You could have been safe in one of the pods when the ship blew apart. Instead I had to watch you float away and I couldn't do anything."

"Oh my god. Is this what you've thought this whole time?"

He just stared at her and she saw the pain in his eyes that he had been living with every day for the last two years.

"Joker, listen to me. You were just doing your job, doing what any good Alliance pilot would. And you weren't just any good Alliance pilot, you were the best."

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts. Listen, lets just both say we forgive each other and go save the galaxy...again. Okay?"

She held his eyes until he finally nodded.

"You really have nothing to be forgiven for, Shepard."

"Well, I don't think you do, so...we're both making sacrifices."

She grinned at him and he laughed.

"Okay, deal."

"So how did you end up working with Cerberus, Joker?"

"Well, it didn't take long after you, uh, died for the Council and the Alliance to pretend everything we did didn't happen. I refused to go along with the 'official' story and they grounded me. Flying is the only thing I have ever wanted to do. The only thing I _can_ do. Cerberus contacted me and told me about you, offered me the chance to fly. So I said yes. I mean, what good would it have done to bring you back from the dead if I wasn't here to pull your ass out of the fire?"

Shepard chuckled and shook her head.

"Well, I'm very grateful."

And she was. Joker was a good friend. Someone who could always make her smile, even during her lowest moments. He was exactly what she needed right now.

* * *

The next day, Shepard made her way up to the bridge to talk some more with her pilot. She had just finished taking a tour of her new ship, the Normandy SR-2. Joker had barely been able to contain his excitement when he had showed her last night. She certainly looked like the old Normandy, at least from the outside. Well, except for the fact that she was bigger. A lot bigger. But on the inside, the only thing that remained the same was the CIC. Everything else was much more...extravagant. Some of it was nice. Most of it was ridiculous. Especially her cabin. A fish tank? On a warship? Frankly it was just a waste of space because there was no way she would be doing anything with it.

The crew on the other hand, she liked. At least for the most part. Her yeoman was a little much for her. And honestly, she wasn't really buying the act. Maybe she could talk some sense into the girl eventually. For now, she would just avoid her as much as possible. She also couldn't really get a read on Miranda. The woman was practically a robot. Hopefully, she would thaw over time. Jacob seemed like a good guy, if a little dull. But obviously an excellent soldier and willing to follow her lead. And that was what really mattered. She had also really liked the two engineers. They had joined up with Cerberus specifically to work with her, so she felt like she would be able to trust them.

But of course, the most welcome surprise had been when she had entered the medical bay.

"So I just did a tour of the ship. Imagine my surprise when I ran into Dr. Chakwas. You didn't tell me she had joined up when you did."

Joker turned and scowled at her. But when he spoke, Shepard heard the underlying fondness in his voice.

"Yeah, well. She has to follow me wherever I go, thinks she's my babysitter or something."

"Well, when you act like a child…"

He narrowed his eyes at her and she just laughed.

"So, what do you think of the new Normandy, Commander?"

"She's nice, but I miss the SR-1."

"Oh come on! I mean, don't get me wrong. I miss the old girl too, but you've got to admit that this one's got some nice upgrades. I mean, look at this. Leather seats! Leather!"

He was grinning maniacally and rubbing his hands along the armrests of his seat. Shepard just rolled her eyes.

"But it's all Cerberus. You know we are being watched at all times and I wouldn't trust some of this crew as far as I could throw them. I don't know, Joker. It's just not the same. I miss the old crew."

"Aw, what am I? Chopped liver?"

Joker put on a show of looking incredibly hurt by her comment. She let out a small laugh before turning serious again.

"You know what I mean. I don't even know how to tell you how glad I am that you are the one piloting this ship, but who watches my back while I'm on the ground? Jacob and Miranda? Jacob seems okay, but Miranda is Cerberus to the bone. Even after all the work she did to bring me back, she wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in my head for them."

Joker's face turned serious quickly when he considered what she said. The EDI's blue orb appeared next to him and he scowled as it started to speak.

"Cerberus has poured numerous resources into your resurrection, Shepard. I fail to see how killing you would be of any benefit. In fact, it seems to be in direct opposition to the parameters of this mission. Both Operatives Taylor and Lawson should be fully committed to keeping you alive."

"Well, there you go Commander. The Cerberus AI says you're good so...should I start picking out my outfit for your next funeral?"

Shepard glared at Joker before speaking to EDI.

"EDI, _my_ mission is to find the missing colonists, put an end the Collectors and a stop to all this. That is all that I care about. As long as Cerberus agrees with me, we shouldn't have a problem. But you'll have to forgive me if, given my history with this organization, I don't think things will remain that simple."

Shepard sighed and then continued, "EDI, you are bound by your _Cerberus_ programming and see things in black and white. I lack that restriction, I can see the shades of grey. The shadows where Cerberus usually likes to conduct their business."

"I concede that I may be biased due to restrictions in my programming. But you must admit that you are more than likely biased by your past experiences."

"That may be a little true, but that's how organics learn. From experience. Listen, I'm not completely dismissing the idea that Cerberus is interested in accomplishing the same thing I am. But I'm also not counting on it."

EDI's lights flickered and Shepard assumed it was processing their conversation. After a very short period of time, EDI finally answered.

"Very well Shepard. Logging you out."

Joker just sat, staring at the commander. He opened his mouth to speak a couple times but then closed it again.

"What's this? Joker speechless? No one else is ever going to believe this."

"What did...was that...did you just have a debate with the AI and win?"

"Oh, I don't know if I would say that. We just had a discussion and I helped it to see my point of view."

"Uh-huh. You got it to shut up. You're going to have to teach me that. Or maybe just let me, you know, play with it's wires for a bit?"

"Just focus on flying, Lieutenant. We're playing nice with Cerberus...for now."

"You ruin all my fun. Anyways, you do know she is reporting that entire conversation to the Illusive Man right now, right?"

"Of course. He already knows my feelings. I will be doing things my way on this mission and if he thinks otherwise, he is deluding himself. He also already knows that I do not trust him or his team one bit."

"So what's the answer, Commander? How do we get through this mission without you going insane from paranoia?"

She sighed and considered carefully before answering, "I'm not entirely sure. It looks like some of these dossiers are for aliens. I'm hoping that means they aren't going to be loyal to Cerberus. Besides that...I don't know. Do you...what about the old crew? Do you know what any of them are up to now?"

She saw the understanding in his eyes. He knew that she was asking about one very specific member of the old crew. His hesitation to answer her made her realize she might not want to know after all.

"Well...you were the one we all came together for. When you...disappeared...everyone scattered, especially the non-human crew. I haven't heard from most of them since your...service. Garrus wrote me once shortly after, but then he disappeared. There were a couple other Alliance crew besides me that wouldn't agree to the 'official' story they wanted us to spin. Alenko didn't at first, but you know how dedicated to the Alliance he is. I heard he eventually got promoted but haven't heard much beyond that."

"I got a message from Anderson. Apparently there are already rumors of my 'resurrection'. I just really wanted to talk to Kaidan myself instead of him getting the news another way. But then again, it's been two years and he's moved on. Maybe it's better this way."

"Well...I may not be the best person to talk to about this stuff, but I know how much he cared about you. I mean, I would think that no matter what, he would at least be happy to know you are alive."

Shepard gave a half-hearted smile and said, "I'd like to believe that, but...well...thanks for saying it anyways."

"Yeah, that's all the sentimental, touchy-feely crap I've got in me, so take it while you can."

Shepard let out a laugh.

"Noted. All right, I should get to work. Get us to Omega. We've got a brilliant salarian scientist to pick up as well as a mercenary and...Robin Hood, apparently."

When Joker raised a brow at her in question, she laughed and shrugged before replying.

"I don't know. This guy has a merry band of outlaws and has been attacking the bad guys on Omega, while helping the less fortunate. And he's a sniper. They've taken to calling him Archangel. Should be an interesting addition."

"Oh, yeah, _interesting_. Can't wait Commander."

Shepard just laughed, turned around and walked back towards the CIC, leaving Joker sitting there shaking his head.


	13. Garrus 2

**A/N: This chapter was fun to write. One of my favorite moments of ME2: the first time I played it and Archangel took his helmet off. And I just loved that he didn't even flinch at Shepard being back, just went right back to 'walking into hell' with her. :) **

**Again I've added some dialogue straight from the game where it fit, but added a lot of my own.**

**As always, (I can't say it enough) all your comments, favorites and follows are GREATLY appreciated. **

**And once again: BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

Archangel looked down the scope of his rifle, trying to figure out what the hell the merc groups were planning for him now. They hadn't sent anyone over in a while and he was starting to get worried. When they were just funneling idiots over the bridge, it was easy for him to pick them off one by one. But if they started using their brains, he would be in trouble. Not that he really thought he could last much longer anyways. He would eventually run out of ammo and rations. How in the world had he gotten here? Not for the first time today, he found himself wondering what _she _would think of think of the situation he had gotten himself into.

She had tried to teach him about the right and wrong way to do things, about seriously thinking through the consequences of your actions. He thought he had taken those lessons to heart and learned something from them. But obviously not. He had not foreseen this possibility, had not carefully considered Sidonis' personality before allowing him on the team. He should have known how weak he was, should have seen the betrayal coming. The betrayal that lead to the death of his entire squad.

Sighing, he shook his head to clear the depressing thoughts before they pulled him down. It seemed highly unlikely, but he wanted to make it out of this. To track down Sidonis and get justice for all the good men who had died because of him. To have any chance at that, he needed to clear his head and focus. Once again, he peered through his scope, trying to see what was going on in the makeshift base the merc teams had set up. If he wasn't in such a bad situation, he would have taken time to be proud of his ability to unite the three big merc groups. The Blue Suns, Eclipse and Blood Pack never worked together. They must really hate him.

And they were definitely planning something. He could see a lot of new people showing up, and most of them looked to be independent, not belonging to any of the three big groups. One person getting out of a car caught his eye. She was either human or asari but hard to tell in her armor. Something in the way she moved seemed familiar and her armor and weapons were definitely top of the line. He lost sight of her as she went around the corner and he tried to place her in his memory. She almost moved like..._her_. But he knew that wasn't possible. Obviously she had been on his mind and this unknown woman shared some similarities, so his imagination had taken off.

Focusing again on the group of mercs gathering closest to him, he picked off a couple. Just to keep them nervous. After several minutes, the unknown woman moved into his light of sight again. She pulled her two companions off to the side to talk with them.

Then she removed her helmet and he almost dropped his rifle.

* * *

Shepard removed her helmet for a quick conference with Mordin and Zaeed. She was glad she had them with her instead of the Illusive Man's lapdogs. Mordin was brilliant and also surprisingly well-trained as a soldier. She knew that Zaeed was only loyal to his next paycheck but there was something about the old mercenary that she liked. And she'd certainly rather have him at her back than Miranda.

They had infiltrated the merc base, posing as freelancers trying to take down this Archangel guy. He was an excellent sniper. She had seen him take out two Eclipse mercs as they had made their way through the base, all the way from his perch on the other side of the bridge. It had been damned impressive. She had only ever seen one other person who could shoot that well. But, impressive as his skills were, he was running out of time. They had managed to sabotage some of the mercs' plans along the way, but they still had a huge numbers advantage over him.

"Alright, this guy has done some good work staying alive so far, but I think he's running out of time. We need to get over there fast. We should blend in with the first wave of freelancers, taking out as many of them as we can on our way. Go straight for Archangel. Hopefully, he'll be smart enough to see that we're on his side. Stay to cover just in case, this guy's a hell of a sniper."

After they agreed with her plan, she put her helmet back on and they made their way towards the bridge. When the first wave took off, they stayed at the back and started taking out the freelancers as soon as they got on the bridge. Quickly making their way to the building on the other side, they saw a group working on the explosives. They easily took them out and headed up the stairs at the back of the room. Turning back towards the front of the building at the top of the stairs, Shepard saw two more freelancers hacking the door. When she shot the first one, the second quickly realized she wasn't on his side. He ducked into cover, but not before she targeted him with her biotic charge. She knocked him on his ass and then finished him with one blast of her shotgun.

Mordin was able to quickly hack the door open and they made their way into the room. She took off her helmet and holstered her weapon, hopefully making it clear that she was not here to kill him. She saw the sniper kneeling at the ledge, looking through his scope. When she said his name, he just held up one finger. Continuing to look through the scope, he lined up his shot and shot the last freelancer hiding on the lower level. Then he turned back towards her and slowly got to his feet. He walked over to a nearby couch and sat down, taking off his helmet.

"Shepard. I thought you were dead."

She just stared at the person across from her, having lost her voice the minute he had taken his helmet off. She took a few steps towards him before stopping. This had to be some trick, right? It couldn't be...could it?

"Garrus?"

The turian chuckled before replying, "You're staring at me like you've seen a ghost but I'm almost certain that I'm the one who should be feeling that way. How the hell are you standing in front of me right now?"

Shaking off her shock, she said, "Long story that I can't wait to tell you but if I'm not mistaken, we've got a bad situation to get out of first. How'd you get here?"

"Also a long story. We'll have a good chat once you get me out of here. What do you say? Just like old times?"

She didn't even try to stop the huge grin that spread across her face.

"Sounds like the best idea I've heard in two years."

* * *

Two hours later, Shepard was pacing outside of the Normandy's med bay, wondering where the hell she had gone wrong. She had thought they had things under control, but now Garrus was in there fighting for his life. Tarak had been smarter than he looked, sending waves of troops to the lower level to draw her off. Leaving Garrus alone and vulnerable when he fired the gunship's rocket at him.

When she had finally made it back up to him, she had thought he was dead. His face had been a mess and there was just so much blue blood. But he had gasped for air when she went to him. She thanked every god and goddess she could think of that Mordin had been with them and able to keep him relatively stable on their way back to the Normandy.

"Commander."

Jacob's voice broke through her thoughts. She sighed and turned towards him.

"Yes, Jacob?"

"The Illusive Man wants to talk to you in the comm room. I told him you were busy but he was very insistent."

"Of course he was. Well he can fuck off because I'm not leaving this spot."

"I also told him you'd say that but...anyways, I can stay here Commander and let you know right away if there is any news."

She considered briefly and nodded.

"Thank you Jacob."

Ten minutes later, she disconnected from the Illusive Man, more pissed off at him that usual. The 'urgent matter' he needed to discuss was just another dossier. Some thief he wanted her to pick up while on the Citadel.

"That could've fucking waited until I knew Garrus was going to be okay, bastard."

Muttering to herself, she turned to leave the comm room, only to stop short when the door opened and Jacob walked through. She watched him warily as he walked to the table and leaned down.

"Commander. We've done what we could for Garrus, but he took a bad hit."

She felt her heart sinking before he continued, "The docs corrected with surgical procedures and some cybernetics. Best we can tell, he'll have full functionality, but…"

She heard the door woosh open again and turned to see the turian in question come walking through the door. She barely registered Jacob muttering behind her, something about a 'tough son of a bitch'. But she already knew that. She gave Garrus a huge smile as he walked towards her.

"Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad is it?"

She laughed and said, "Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there, and no one will even notice."

"Ha-ah! Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is."

She turned serious again, asking, "You okay?"

He glanced towards the Cerberus operative still in the room. To Jacob's credit, he got the hint, saluted and left. Garrus turned back towards Shepard.

"Frankly, I'm more worried about you. Cerberus?"

"I know, Garrus. This is not an ideal situation. Long story short? I _did_ die. Cerberus recovered my body and spent two years somehow bringing me back. I don't really know the specifics of how, and frankly, I'm not sure I _want_ to."

She watched him carefully for a reaction. That was a hell of a statement she had just made. He didn't even flinch. He just kept looking at her and then said, "So, how are you handling that?"

Grateful that he didn't even question her, and had just _believed_ her, she answered, "To be honest, I'm still not really sure how to answer that. I'm...coping. It's been two years for you and everyone else but it's been barely a week for me. Everyone thought me dead and the galaxy just went on without me. That's a lot to comprehend. But, that being said, having a mission helps. Having you here? Joker? Dr. Chakwas? It all helps."

"Fair enough. So...Cerberus. I know they brought you back, but…"

"Do I trust them? Hell no. But entire human colonies are going missing and they are willing to fund me, give me a ship and a crew so I can do something about it. So...I'm being cautiously friendly...for now."

"Well, you are obviously going to need people you can fully trust at your back. I'm fit for duty Shepard, and I'm with you. No matter what."

"Thanks Garrus. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have at my six."

He gave her a pointed look, saying, "Really? _Anyone_?"

She knew what he was asking but she didn't know how to answer, so she just laughed and said, "Well, when you fall off the grid for a couple years and then resurface inside a terrorist organization, your options are limited at best."

"Ouch."

"So, _Archangel_, are you ready to tell me your story?"

"Yeah….about that. I will tell you, I promise. I'm just...not ready yet."

"Okay Garrus," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be here when you _are_ ready, okay?"

"Thanks Shepard, I appreciate it. It's really good to have you back."

And for the first time since waking up in a Cerberus facility, Shepard thought that it just might actually feel good to _be_ back.


	14. Anderson 3

**A/N: What, another chapter? So soon? :) Eh, this one is short and the next one will probably take a bit longer than usual. In case I don't get the next one up before, I want to wish everyone a very happy holiday season! It's looking to be a very white Christmas by me, which is fine as long as it doesn't snow the days I have to drive. Anyone else having to deal with that, please stay safe! :)**

**So, my Shep and Anderson have bit of a history and I figured they'd react a bit differently in this scene. Of course, I left the council as they were because we all know they'll never change unless the Reapers knock on their doors and say hello. -P And no, I didn't put the part with Udina in. While I did think it was funny, it didn't fit in my telling.**

**I am ever so grateful for all of your comments, favorites and follows.**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't, can't, can't leave it alone. **

* * *

Shepard stood outside of Councilor Anderson's office with Garrus and Mordin. Due to an odd conversation with a billboard and the _inconvenience_ of being declared dead, she was running late. She did, at least, have a very interesting new team member and a new friend in C-Sec to show for it. Hearing voices on the other side of the door, she figured the meeting had started without her.

Turning towards her companions, she said, "Why don't you guys go and purchase whatever supplies you need, have them delivered to the ship and meet me back here?"

Mordin simply nodded and hurried away, mumbling to himself about the different things he needed for his research. Garrus kept his eyes trained on Shepard. He was a good friend and she knew that he could sense her unease.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you, Shepard?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I don't know how they are going to react but I'm pretty much ready for anything when it comes to the Council."

He stared at her a bit longer until he seemed convinced. With a nod, he turned around and headed back towards the elevator. Shepard turned towards the door, taking a deep breath before finally walking through. She had been correct in assuming they had started without her. Anderson stood in front of projections of Councilors Tevos, Valern and Sparatus. At the sound of the door, he stopped what he had been saying and turned towards her.

After holding her gaze for several seconds, he just smiled and said, "It's damn good to see you."

Returning his smile, she walked over to him, holding out her hand.

"Good to see you too, Anderson."

Anderson surprised her by ignoring her hand and pulling her in for a hug. As he did, he turned his head towards hers and whispered quietly so the Council couldn't hear.

"Just a warning, they haven't changed at all. I'm sorry, I wish there was more that I could do." Outloud, he said, "I really am glad you're back, Shepard."

Pulling back, she met his eyes and said, "Thank you. Just hearing you say that means a lot."

He nodded and she was glad he had understood that was meant for his whispered comment. They both turned towards the projectors when Valern spoke.

"We've heard many rumors surrounding your unexpected return. Some of them are...unsettling."

"We've called this meeting so you could explain your actions, Shepard," Tevos broke in. "We owe you that much. After all, you saved our lives in the battle against Saren and his geth."

Shepard looked at Anderson in surprise at her words and he just shook his head. They honestly weren't even acknowledging Sovereign at all! It was sheer madness, but she supposed she shouldn't have expected anything different. Well, she could already see how this was going to go, but she had to try anyways.

"I have discovered evidence that the Collectors, working with the Reapers, have been abducting entire human colonies in the Terminus Systems."

This time it was Sparatus who spoke.

"The Terminus Systems are beyond our jurisdiction. Your colonists knew this when they left Council space."

"All right. Well, I've got what I needed. You are obviously adamant about ignoring the evidence of the Reapers. And you don't want to help our colonists. There is nothing you can offer. It's what I was told to expect, but since I'm not too thrilled with my current arrangement, I had to try. Thank you for your time, Councilors. Have a great day."

Shepard knew she had failed at keeping the sarcasm from her voice, but she didn't care. She was pissed. She had really hoped that the Illusive Man had been wrong, that she could go back and work with the Council instead of him. Obviously not. She turned and stormed towards the door and was almost gone when she heard Tevos speak.

"Shepard, wait." She turned around and Tevos continued, "Please try to understand our perspective. You are working with Cerberus-an avowed enemy of the Council. This is treason, a capital offense."

"I don't think you want to continue down that path!" Anderson took a step towards the projection of the asari councilor, pointing his finger at her. "Shepard saved all our asses two years ago and she deserves much better than that from you. From all of us!"

Shepard stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder, pulling him back a bit before she spoke.

"Councilors, I understand. If you had told me two years ago that I would now be working with Cerberus, I would have said 'no chance in hell'. But, I can't ignore the attacks on my people. You have to know that. I don't know if you will believe me when I say this, but I am only working with Cerberus because I don't have any other choice. I am only going after the Collectors and missing colonists. Once this mission is over, assuming I survive, I have every intention of severing all ties with them. But I just can't sit and do nothing when I have the opportunity to do _something_. I just can't."

Tevos nodded, saying, "I believe you are sincere, Shepard. Perhaps...maybe there is a compromise. Not a public acknowledgement, given your ties, but something to show peripheral support."

She shared a glance with Sparatus, who said, "If you keep a low profile and restrict yourself to the Terminus Systems, the Council is willing to offer you reinstatement as a Spectre."

She knew it was the best she was going to get and honestly, more than she had expected. After sharing a quick glance with Anderson, she stepped forward.

"Very well, I accept. Thank you."

Tevos nodded her head.

"Good luck with your investigation, Shepard. We hope for a quick resolution, and a quick end to your relationship with Cerberus."

"You and me both, Councilor."

With that, the connection was severed and she was alone with Anderson. She turned towards him.

"So, what about the Alliance? What's my status with them?"

"I don't know yet, Shepard. I'll talk to Hackett and we'll see what we can do. Don't expect support on your current mission, I can tell you that much. Most of the Alliance brass are acting just like the Council, burying their heads in the sand. There are a few, myself and Hackett included, who believe the threat of the Reapers is real. But our hands remain somewhat tied by everyone else."

Sighing, she said, "Yeah, that's what I expected. Can't say I wasn't hoping...but I knew. Okay, business is done. How are you Anderson? I've been told it's been two years, even though I could swear it's only been two weeks."

"I'm all right, although arguing politics with these people isn't exactly where I pictured my career going. Still owe you for that one by the way."

"Yeah, well, you really think Udina would have been the better choice?"

"No, but that still doesn't mean I wanted to do it. Ah, hell. I hope I'm doing some good, so that's got to count for something, right? Anyways, enough about me. What about you, Shepard? How are you coping with everything? I can't imagine…"

"Doing a little better every day. I've got Garrus with me. And Joker and Dr. Chakwas. So that helps. A lot. Uh...can I ask you a question, Anderson?"

He looked at her and she saw sadness in his eyes and knew he had read her mind before he replied, "I honestly don't know where he is, Shepard. He's been promoted, Staff Commander. I think he's...investigating rumors of your return. But I honestly don't know anything else."

"So he knows?"

"Like I said, rumors. We've been hearing them for a while now."

Confused, Shepard shook her head.

"But I've only been awake for two weeks. How…? Ah. Fucking Illusive Man! He's purposely trying to stir up trouble for me, make me dependent on him."

Anderson looked at her with renewed concern as he said, "Please be careful, Shepard. I get why and I know you don't have a choice right now, but you are dealing with the devil."

"Oh, believe me, I am _very_ aware of that."

They both looked up at the sound of the door opening to see Garrus and Mordin returning. Anderson held his hand out to Garrus.

"Vakarian. Good to see you. Keep our girl safe, huh?"

Shaking his hand, Garrus replied, "Of course, sir. And good to see you too."

Turning back towards Shepard, Anderson said, "Do me a favor? Drop me a line once in a while and let me know you're doing okay?"

"Sure. Don't expect anything going through the ship to be secure, but keep me posted as much as you can. And tell Hackett if there is anything I can do for the Alliance, he can still count on me."

"Believe me, he knows that. But it's still good to hear you say it, especially considering we can't offer you much public support."

Grasping her hand, he continued, "But please don't think that means that we don't. We both were friends with Leon. He cared deeply about what happened to you and so do we. I consider you family, Shepard. So _please_ be careful."

"I...don't really know what to say. Thank you. I...that means a lot to me."

As she left and headed back to her ship, Shepard rolled that word around in her mind. _Family_. It wasn't a word she had thought about in many years, but she had to admit that she had liked the sound of it. She had liked it quite a bit.


	15. Kaidan 3

**A/N: Aaaaand here we are. Horizon. Long chapter is long. But mostly because I used all the in game dialogue from their conversation on Horizon. I tried to get inside Kaidan's head and tell it from his perspective. I hope I did it justice. If there is anyone who hasn't listed to the recording that Raphael Sbarge did of 'the letter', you should do that. (I am fully aware that I may have been the last person in the universe to realize that it existed, but just in case….) Just reading the typed version of the letter, I thought 'Oh Kaidan is such an ASS!'. Listening to him read it out loud though-that almost made me tear up. Hearing the emotion behind it changed my whole perspective on Horizon. I mean, he was still kind of an ass, but...I guess it was just more understandable. :) Just my opinion though.**

**I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! Favs, follows and comments were among some of my favorite presents! :)**

**Anyways….I'll get to the chapter now...**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

_Horizon_

Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko stared down at the report in his hands. It was the reason he had been sent to this remote colony, and he had read it at least a dozen times. But it still didn't make any sense to him. Everything about it was wrong, contradicting everything he knew to be true. Kiliane was dead. He had attended her funeral, had mourned for her. Hell, he had almost not survived the grief himself. There was no way she was alive. If she was, he would have been the first to know.

And if, by some remote chance, she _was_ alive, there was no way she'd be working with Cerberus. She hated them with every fiber of her being. They were responsible for some of her worst nightmares. He had held her after a couple of them, when she would wake up screaming and swear she could still feel the acid burning her skin. After everything they had seen together, every horrible Cerberus operation that they had found and put a stop to, she would never work with them. He was sure of it.

But obviously someone had thought there was a grain of truth to the rumors. Enough that they had sent him to investigate. They had heard that Cerberus was behind the missing colonies and that the formerly deceased Commander Kiliane Shepard was working with them. Intel said this colony was the next one to be hit, so he had been sent here under the pretense of setting up defenses for the colony.

The colonists weren't buying it. They didn't trust him at all, not that he could blame them. He had supposedly been sent here to oversee the installation of new AA guns for the colony, but he couldn't get them to work properly. Every little thing that went wrong had been his fault. Their mechanic, Delan, had been the worst. The man had been outright hostile towards him since he had arrived. Sighing, he put the report to the side. It was time to get back to work. Even if it was just an excuse to station him here, he still needed to get those defenses up and running. Seeing the one person who had been civil to him since his arrival, he exited his quarters and called her name.

"Lilith! We've got a problem."

* * *

Kaidan wasn't sure how long he had been frozen like this, watching in horror as colonist after colonist was hauled away. He was able to move his eyes around but that was it. It almost felt like a stasis, but he was unable to break free, no matter what he did.

He had been walking towards the main guns with Lilith when he had seen the ship approaching. The same ship that had haunted his nightmares for the last two years. In that instant he had realized that it must all be true. It couldn't be a coincidence that the same ship that had destroyed the original Normandy and 'killed' Commander Shepard was now here, attacking the colony. Was she in on it from the beginning? Or had they taken her and brainwashed her somehow? Were these creatures another horrible Cerberus creation? He didn't know what to believe right now. As he sat here, unable to move, all he had were his thoughts.

He had seen them take Lilith, had seen them take so many others. They were slowly making their way towards him when something had happened. They had all left what they were doing, rushing off before he heard gunfire. He even heard the AA guns go off. Someone had gotten them running, but who? He watched as the ship took off, and slowly, he felt the stasis wear off. He was able to move his fingers and toes first and eventually he was able to take a step. Hearing voices around the corner, he started towards them. But when he got close enough to hear what they were saying, he froze.

"..I did what I could."

"More than most, Shepard."

He_ knew_ those voices. Both of them, but it was the first one that he heard in his head every night as he drifted off to sleep. It was the first one that went straight to his heart, breaking it into a million pieces. She was really here, their intel had been right. How was any of this possible? He was torn between running around that corner to throw himself into her arms and drawing his weapon on her. He went with his gut and ended up somewhere in between.

He heard Delan talking as he rounded the corner, "...some type of big Alliance hero."

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

He turned and looked into her eyes as he said the last three words. They were...almost the same. He couldn't put his finger on what, but something wasn't quite right. He could still read them though. Her face didn't betray much, but those bright green flecks did. She was trying to hold herself back, but why?

He heard Delan being his usual self in the background but ignored him. Finally, the mechanic walked away and Kaidan stepped towards her, saying "I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."

He pulled her in for a hug, but he was unable to hide the hurt in his voice. And she was just as good at reading him as he was with her.

"You don't sound too happy to see me. Something bothering you, Kaidan?"

Even though he knew she was feeling more than she let on, he didn't understand _why_. And her nonchalant comment hit just the right nerve. He was angry.

"Yeah, something's bothering me. I spent the last two years believing you were dead! I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I...I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"

"Not my choice. I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me."

At her words, he felt like he had taken a punch to the gut. Cerberus. She was really and truly working with them. How? _Why_? He slowly backed away from her, hoping the small amount of distance would help to numb the pain.

"You're with Cerberus now?" He glanced at the turian standing beside her. "Garrus too? I can't believe the reports were right."

"Reports?" Garrus spoke up. "You mean you already knew?"

"Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors you weren't dead. That you were working for the enemy."

"Cerberus and I want the same thing: to save our colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them."

She didn't really believe that, did she? What had they done to her? The Kiliane Shepard he knew would never fall for a trap that easily.

"Do you really believe that? Or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think?" He took a step back towards her, even as he felt her slipping further away. "I wanted to believe the rumors you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."

He say her eyes flash at his words. What little emotion she had allowed on her face was gone, her expression becoming completely neutral. Why was she shutting him out like this? Had they brainwashed her while she had been in a coma? Was she even the same person?

"Kaidan, you know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies. And they're working with the Reapers!"

He tried. He wanted to believe her, he really did. It would just be so easy to say okay, and follow her on some crazy mission again. But not with Cerberus. He knew what they had done to her once, on Akuze. She had been part of an experiment then, and he was sure she was again. Why couldn't _she_ see that?

"I want to believe you, Shepard. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind this? What if they're working with the Collectors?"

"Damn it, Kaidan!" Garrus exclaimed from behind Shepard. "You're so focused on Cerberus that you're ignoring the real threat!"

"You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts." Shepard agreed with Garrus.

"Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe _you're_ the one who's not thinking straight." He could see he was not going to be able to get through to her. "You've changed. But I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I...I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."

And with that, he turned his back on her. He felt like he was watching the Normandy explode in front of him all over again, and he just couldn't do it. He barely survived the first time, he knew he wouldn't a second. As he was walking away, he heard her voice again. It almost..._almost_ sounded like her again.

"I could use someone like you in my crew, Kaidan. It'll be just like old times."

God, how he wanted to believe that. He really did. He turned his head back towards her.

"No, it won't. I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."

* * *

_The Citadel, One week after Horizon_

Kaidan sat in his quarters, replaying the events on Horizon in his head for the thousandth time that week. The horror of being frozen and watching people being carried away. The shock of seeing the woman that he had loved, the woman he had thought dead for two years, standing in front of him, now working for an organization that he had long thought the enemy. Their conversation. He knew he had let his emotion get the better of him and had said things to her that he now regretted. Even if she had changed, even if she was not the same woman that he had fallen in love with, he knew she was still Commander Kiliane Shepard. She was trying to find a way to save the galaxy, and doing it the best way she knew how. He knew that the Council and the Alliance had closed doors for her that Cerberus had been able to open. He should never have called her a traitor, he knew that now. Hell, he had known that then, he just wasn't able to admit it while he had felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest.

After leaving Horizon, he had reported immediately to the Citadel and had spoken with both Alliance brass and the Council. He had finally had a real conversation with Anderson and his former Captain had made him realize what a complete ass he had been. Had made it clear how limited Shepard's options were and that she was as unhappy with the arrangement as everyone on the outside was, if not more so.

He had stewed on it for a few days, not really knowing how to fix it-_if_ he could fix it. Finally, he had recorded a short message for her and sent it through Anderson. He knew it had been inadequate, but he didn't know what else to do. He wasn't even sure what he wanted at this point, he just knew he did _not_ want to be another source of pain or confusion for her. Sighing, he decided he should just leave it at that. They were both different people than they were two years ago. That brief, wonderful time that they had shared back then would always be a good memory. It didn't need to be anything other than that.

That didn't mean that if she called him up right now and said that she still loved him, that we wouldn't fight for her, for them. But after everything that she had been through and everything that had happened, that was up to her.

* * *

_The Normandy, One week after Horizon_

Kiliane had been staring at the blinking light on her terminal for the last hour. She was still trying to work up the courage to open the message she had received from Kaidan. If it was more of the same feelings he had expressed on Horizon, she wasn't sure she could take it. Not that she blamed him for it. She had known he would be hurt to find out about everything that way, without her telling him first. She just wished he had understood she hadn't had a choice. She never would have deliberately hurt him like that.

Sighing, she hit the button to open the message. She was surprised to find nothing written other than the subject, but there was an audio file attached. Opening it up, her hand hovered over the play button for several minutes before she finally hit it. The minute she heard him say 'I'm sorry', she started tearing up. By the time she had listened to the entire file, the tears were pouring down her face.

She felt bad for being the source of such pain for him, and she knew what she needed to do. She needed to accept his apology. She needed to absolve him of any guilt he felt for Horizon or for moving on with his life. She needed to let him go so that she would not be a source of further pain for him. Her future was so uncertain ,with a suicide mission in front of her and the Reapers still out there if she survived that. She would take the memories of what they had shared for a brief time, and hold onto them as a beautiful time in her life that was now over.

She would do this for him.

* * *

_Unknown location, Two days later_

Kaidan was settling in for the night, having just arrived at his latest assignment, when he heard his omni-tool chime to indicate he had a new message. Curious, he opened it up and saw that he had a message from Shepard. Hesitating only briefly, he opened it up and read what she wrote. When he finished, he knew that she was closing the door on their relationship. And while he had been prepared for it, it still stung a little. But she was right. They had both had important jobs to do and that was what they needed to focus on now. At least she had not seemed upset about Horizon, and for that he was glad.

He read through the message one more time before deleting it altogether.

_Kaidan,_

_Thank you for your message, although you have nothing to apologize for. I understood where you were coming from. I am so very sorry that I was unable to get a message to you sooner, so that you wouldn't have had to find out like that. _

_I also wanted to tell you that I am so happy that you have moved on with your life and I am proud of what you have accomplished the last two years. Maybe one day, if I make it back to the Alliance, we will have a chance to serve together again. You are an excellent soldier and it was a privilege to work with you for the short time I did._

_You know what is coming down the road with the Reapers. I don't know if I will make it back from my current mission or not. If I don't, there need to be people here, people like you, preparing for them. I know you are more than capable._

_Take care of yourself, Kaidan._

_~Kiliane_


	16. Miranda

**A/N: Well, after last chapter Kaidan got in my head and wouldn't leave me alone, so I had to take a little break and give him the short story he was demanding. But, that's done and he is quiet for now. So here's another chapter. Yay! :)**

**I debated doing a Miranda chapter, but this actually came together a lot easier than I expected. Hopefully that doesn't mean it's pure crap. LOL ;)**

**Favorites, follows and comments are among my favorite things!**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone. **

* * *

"Shepard, I wonder if I might have a word with you. In private."

Shepard had been sitting in the mess going over a couple of reports when Miranda approached her. She looked up at the Cerberus operative and was surprised to see her almost looking _nervous_. Curious about what could make her normally stoic XO feel uncomfortable, she nodded and stood up.

"Sure, Miranda. Your office is closest, shall we head in there?"

Miranda looked relieved as she said, "Yes, perfect."

Shepard followed her around the corner and through the door to her quarters. As soon as they were in the room, Miranda started pacing back and forth and didn't say a word. Shepard's curiosity was growing by the second. Finally, Miranda stopped and turned towards her.

"Shepard, I...I am not very good at this. I...need to ask a favor of you."

Shepard fought the urge to laugh out loud. Miranda had barely been even civil to her since the moment she had woken up in her lab. And while she hadn't been outright hostile since Freedom's Progress, the two women spent most of their time avoiding each other. Shepard had tried to talk to her once, but Miranda had obviously not been interested in having Shepard get to know her on anything even remotely resembling a personal level. And she was fine with that. As long as Miranda didn't try to tell her how to do her job and stayed out of her way, they were able to coexist on the ship.

But now she wanted her help. This was an interesting development and Shepard couldn't wait to see how it played out. She crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall.

"Okay, what's up?"

"Do you remember when I said that my father had...created me? And that I ran away from him and came to Cerberus for protection?"

Shepard just nodded, so Miranda continued.

"Well...I didn't escape alone. My sister, my twin, was with me. Cerberus was able to keep her safe and let her have a normal life. Until now."

"Your father has found her?"

"He knows what planet she's on, it's only a matter of time before he narrows it down further." Miranda sighed before continuing. "I don't like talking about my personal life, Shepard. And I know I haven't exactly been easy to get along with but this is really important to me. I have to get to her before he does and get her somewhere safe. And I know I won't be able to do it alone."

Shepherd was surprised to hear genuine emotion in her XO's voice. Her amusement faded quickly as she realized how serious this must be.

"I take it your father is a dangerous man?"

"Very. He doesn't want my sister back out of any normal love of a father for his daughter. The only person he has ever loved is himself. I don't know what exactly he has in mind for my sister, but I can guarantee that it is nothing good."

"Alright, Miranda. What do you need from me?"

"They are on Ilium. I know a couple of our dossiers are leading us there anyways, so we shouldn't need to make any detours. Cerberus has helped come up with a reason for her and her family to move and they have arranged transport. I just want us to be there to make sure that everything goes off without a hitch. I have a contact on Ilium, Lanteia. She will get in touch once we have arrived and can meet her in a secure location."

Sheppard nodded and put her hand on Miranda's shoulder.

"We'll be on Ilium tomorrow morning and that'll be our first priority. We'll make sure that your sister is all right."

"Thank you, Shepard. I don't deserve your kindness, but I appreciate it."

"Miranda, I'm not going to let something happen to your sister just because you and I don't see eye-to-eye. For someone who claims to have studied everything about me, you really don't understand me at all."

"I...am beginning to realize that."

* * *

Two days later, Shepard was once again standing in Miranda's office. Although things hadn't exactly gone smoothly, they had managed to get her sister and her family relocated safely. It turned out that Oriana was Miranda's twin genetically but they were years apart in age. Oriana had barely been a toddler when the two had escaped from their father's control. Yes, Miranda had not exactly told her the entire story when she had enlisted her help, but Shepard could see that everything she had done was out of love for her sister. It was hard to fault her for being protective of the nice, _normal_ life she had built up for her.

She had gotten to see a completely different side of her XO during the mission and she was beginning to get a little insight into what made Miranda act the way she did. It seemed that despite, or maybe more accurately, _because of_ her 'perfect' genes, Miranda struggled with insecurity. She could see that the woman felt somewhat tainted by the tampering her father had done-both in her genetic makeup and her childhood. And while the two women might not ever be _friends_, there had been a subtle shift in their relationship. That was why Shepard felt comfortable enough to be in here and questioning the Cerberus operative.

They had picked up two more crew members on Ilium, and had barely had time to get them introduced on the ship when the Illusive Man had contacted her with another urgent mission. Supposedly, a turian patrol had stumbled across a Collector ship and managed to disable it. He wanted them to board it and find information on crossing through the Omega 4 relay. It was all just a little _too_ convenient.

"Miranda, I'm smart enough to see that this is a trap, and I know you're smart enough to see it. I just don't buy that the Illusive man can't see it as well. That means that he is purposely sending us into a trap. Why would he do that?"

"I really don't know, Shepard. But I know that he wouldn't do it without a good reason."

Shepard studied the woman standing in front of her and considered carefully before she finally nodded and said, "All right. I'm going to take Garrus and Jack in there with me. I want you to get everyone else together here, and be ready when things inevitably go south."

"Of course, Commander."

Of course things _did_ go south, and in a rather spectacular fashion. Not only was the 'disabled' Collector ship not disabled, as she had suspected, but it had been a trap set specifically for _her_. It was the same ship that had destroyed the original Normandy, leaving her spaced above Alchera. It was also the same ship that had attacked Horizon. The were obviously very interested in her.

The most shocking thing they had discovered was that the race the galaxy knew as the Collectors were actually _Protheans_, repurposed by the Reapers into slaves and soldiers. The least shocking thing they had discovered was the proof EDI had found that the Illusive Man had known it was a trap before he sent them in. After fighting her way through seemingly endless waves of horrific abominations, she was way beyond angry with the head of Cerberus.

"I needed the Collectors to believe they had the upper hand. Telling you could have tipped them off in any number of ways. Besides, I wouldn't have sent you if I didn't think you could succeed."

"You keep trying to convince me that we're on the same side, but you are doing a piss-poor job of proving it. I don't like being in the dark, and I'm not buying your bullshit about the Collectors finding out. The truth is, you just like being in control, but if you even think about pulling something like that again? I will find you and I will bring you down. Don't risk my life or my crew's lives in some stupid play for power. Got it?"

"Of course, Shepard."

She didn't believe him for one second, but she'd said her piece. It was enough for now. He told her about the derelict Reaper and the IFF they eventually needed to pick up. Not in a huge hurry to get run to another 'derelict' ship per his orders, she called for a meeting with the crew.

She explained everything that had been said between her and the Illusive Man. She could see Miranda bristle when she got to the part about threatening him, and made a mental note to talk with her later. Then they went over EDI's information on the location of the Collector base and what this could mean for their mission. After getting everyone's input, she decided to continue building her team before heading to get the IFF. There was no telling what they might find an a Reaper, and she wanted to be ready for it.

She dismissed everyone but asked Miranda to hang back for a bit.

"Is there something wrong, Commander?"

"Listen, Miranda, I believe that you were in the dark about this as much as I was. But, that blind loyalty you have for Cerberus and it's _illustrious_ leader? That's something you need to seriously reconsider."

"I know that the Illusive Man has his flaws, he is far from perfect. Even he wouldn't claim he was, but everything he does is for the advancement of the human race."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"Miranda, you are smarter than that. You're just feeding me the company line. What I'm asking you to do is to think for yourself. I'm not telling you that you need to feel the same way that I do, but I want you to have your own opinion."

Miranda started to speak, but Shepard held up her hand.

"No. I'm not asking for you to tell me anything, say anything, defend anything. I just want you to think about it. I also want to say something else to you. You don't give yourself enough credit, by far. You think that everything you have accomplished, everything you can do, is because of some perfect sequence of genetic code. That's a load of crap. Certain things may come easier to you because of it, but I'm guessing there are other things that don't. And you still have to be the one to make the decision, perform the act, motivate that other person. That is all you. If you can admit that your mistakes are fully your own, it's not even close to logical to say that your successes are not."

She sighed and then continued, "I made a judgement about you the first time we met, and I kept that with me until a few days ago. But recently, I've seen another side of you and it's made me realize that I wasn't being completely fair. I feel like I may have contributed to some of your insecurities because I wasn't utilizing you as my XO, and I was, to be perfectly honest, avoiding you as much as possible. I want to apologize for that, and promise you here and now that that will change. You have a lot to offer and I have been foolish to not take advantage of that."

Miranda just blinked at her several times before stuttering, "I-I...don't really know what to say."

"Like I said, you don't need to say anything. Just consider what I've said, okay?"

"I'll do that."

"Good. Now, I'm going to go get a shower and some sleep before we head to Haestrom. You should too. Talk to you in the morning, Miranda."

As Shepard was leaving the conference room, Miranda called out behind her, "Shepard, wait."

She turned back towards her XO.

"Yes?"

"I want to apologize as well. I spent a lot of time figuring out how to bring you back exactly as you were, with your abilities and mental functions intact. But I never considered the consequences. This hasn't been easy for you, waking up two years later in a world that has moved on without you. To top it off, you woke up within an organization that you'd had nothing but negative experiences with. And I didn't exactly give you a warm welcome. I just want to say, you've handled yourself extraordinarily, considering everything you've had to come to terms with in the last few weeks. I'm very grateful to have the chance to work with you."

Shepard studied her for a bit before nodding and simply saying, "Thank you, Miranda. Have a good night."

The other woman gave her a warm smile.

"You too, Shepard."


	17. Garrus 3

**A/N: Well, this chapter did not go the way I originally had planned. But Shepard and Garrus apparently had a different vision, and I just couldn't argue with them. :)**

**Thanks again for all the favorites, follows and comments. It makes my day every time I get a notification. :)**

**BioWare owns all, I just can't leave it alone.**

* * *

Shepard made her way to the Main Battery to check on Garrus. She was worried about her friend. He had barely come out from under the main gun the last few days. And when she had tagged him to come with her on Haestrom to rescue Tali, he had asked her to take someone else, claiming to be sick. She'd left it alone then, but she knew that he wasn't sick. Something was definitely on his mind, and she was determined to figure out what it was. The doors opened in front of her and she saw him working on the main gun. Again.

"Hey Garrus. Have you got a minute?"

"Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

It was the same line he'd given her every time she'd come to talk with him the last few days. She'd had enough.

"Actually, no, it can't wait. I've got a problem, Garrus."

He looked up from the panel he was working on. She'd never been great at reading turian facial expressions, but even she could see he was tired. And there was a sadness in his eyes and a hardness to his expression that hadn't been there two years ago.

"What's up, Commander?"

"Well, I'm having a problem with one of the crew and I think you might be able to help."

Confused, he said, "Um..I'm not really sure I'm the best person, but what's the problem?"

"Well this guy has been through a lot, and it's obviously taken a toll on him, both mentally and physically. I've tried talking to him about it, but he doesn't really seem to want to open up. I think I could help, or at least be there for him if he'd just let me. See, he's been a very good friend to me, and I'm not sure he even realizes how much it's meant to me to have him here, by my side, after everything."

Shepard watched Garrus' face until he realized that she wasn't just talking about any crew member. He didn't say anything, just stared at her with his mandibles clicking.

"Garrus, I don't know what you went through down there, but you know me. You know I've seen a lot of things, been through a lot myself. There has to be something I can offer you, if only an ear to listen."

When he still didn't say anything, she tried a different tactic. "I need people I can fully trust to have my back right now. People like you and Tali. So if your turian pride won't let you accept help from a friend who cares about you, then accept it out of duty from your commanding officer. Because you are not at a hundred percent right now, and I need you to be."

Garrus looked down at the floor before finally saying, "I messed up, Shepard. I messed up so bad that my men paid with their lives."

"Tell me what happened."

She could see him struggling, could see that he really didn't want to talk to her about this. She thought back to their days aboard the original Normandy, the way he had looked up to her and had been eager to learn from her and took what she said to heart. She wondered if that was contributing to his reluctance to talk to her now. If he was somehow worried about disappointing her.

Well, she'd had her share of failures along the way. It wasn't something she liked talking about either, but maybe now was one of those times when she should. She leaned back against the wall and started speaking softly.

"When we were kids, my twin brother Keaghan and I, we would get into all sorts of trouble. Actually, _I_ would get into all sorts of trouble and just pull him along for the ride. He used to say that I was so brave because I would try anything, but the truth is that I was just a stupid kid and didn't understand mortality. Keaghan on the other hand, now he _was_ brave. I was the one always putting us into stupid situations, but he was the one getting us out. Whether that meant climbing halfway down the side of a ravine to pull me out after I got stuck or taking the blame and facing my mother's wrath, he always did it without hesitation."

"The day that Mindoir was attacked, I was frozen in fear. I didn't move while I listened to them kill my mother and father. I was sat paralyzed as a batarian pointed a gun in my face. Keaghan, of course, didn't hesitate. He jumped in to protect me again and I watched him die in front of me."

She looked up to see Garrus staring intently at her, listening, so she continued, "That's just number one on a long list of things I screwed up in my life. Then there's Akuze. My whole unit died _while I was on patrol_. And there's Virmire...Ash. I've been there, Garrus. Talk to me about it. Please."

He stared at her a bit longer before he finally sighed and started to speak.

"I told you about what my team was doing there, the way that we were stirring up trouble for the different mercenary groups?" Shepard nodded and he continued, "Well, I didn't know it at the time but they finally decided that they'd had enough and decided to team up to take us out. They also decided that the way to do that was through one of my men, Sidonis. He was the first member of my squad. I guess I…I just assumed that I could trust him because he had been with me the longest. A stupid mistake that cost me everything.""

"They turned him somehow?"

Garrus nodded, "Yeah, I still don't know how, but it doesn't really matter. He betrayed us. He told me about a tip on a Blood Pack operation going on, but when I got to the location, nothing was there. I got back just in time to watch them kill every last member of my squad."

"So, where do you think you went wrong?"

"I trusted Sidonis and ignored his weakness. When I look back, I can see little things here and there. Things that should have tipped me off."

"Really, though? You have the benefit of hindsight right now, but you didn't then. I have a feeling if there were obvious signs of someone keeping a secret, you would have seen them at the time. I bet the truth is that they were a few little oddities, that even looking back, don't necessarily prove anything."

"I don't know, Shepard. Maybe they didn't prove he was a traitor, but I feel like if you had been there, you'd have noticed something. You'd have seen him struggling and talked with him-made him open up." He looked at her pointedly. "You're good at that. Me, not so much. I'm not a natural leader like you."

She considered carefully before she spoke again.

"Garrus, you spend too much time comparing yourself to other people. Me on the Normandy and your father when you were in C-Sec. The only person you need to worry about is you. Did you learn something from those mistakes you made yesterday that make you a better person today? That's the question you should be asking yourself every day. Not what someone else would have done. And I think you are wrong about not being a leader. All of those people willingly followed you and fought for your cause. Sounds like you were a good leader to me."

"But I got them all killed!"

"No, those mercs, and possibly Sidonis, got them killed. Would they be alive if you had done a few things different? It's possible, but you can't live your life by dwelling on that. You learn what you can from it and they you move on. Because if you don't, it _will_ happen again."

He didn't say anything. She pushed herself off the wall and walked over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, I know that it's easy for me to say that right now, from the outside. But you'll get there eventually. It's okay to feel guilt, grief, anger. Just...don't bottle it up. Talk to me, talk to someone. Maybe Tali. I seem to remember that you two were close on the SR-1. And she just lost almost her entire team on Haestrom. It wasn't quite the same situation, but she might have a better idea of what you are going through than you think."

When he looked at her in surprise, she realized that he hadn't even talked to Tali at all since she'd come aboard yesterday.

"I...didn't realize...is she okay?"

"I think she will be, but maybe you should go ask her yourself. I think she'd appreciate it." Giving him a smirk, she said, "She's almost as predictable as you so I know you'll be able to find her."

He gave a small laugh and then said, "Maybe I'll go down there and check in with her." He paused for a second and then said, "And thanks, Shepard."

She just smiled and nodded before saying, "We're headed to the Citadel so Thane can take care of some personal business. We'll refuel and restock while we're there, so could you put together a list?"

He agreed to take a look at their supplies and she left to go back to her quarters to prepare a list of her own. She had been up in the loft for barely an hour when EDI informed her that Garrus was requesting a word with her.

"Send him in."

She looked up when her door opened and Garrus came striding in, looking upset.

"What's up, Garrus?"

"Commander. Shepard."

She waited but he didn't say anything else. He was, however, pacing a hole in her floor.

"Yes, that's who I am. What happened?"

"You said we're going to the Citadel, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Is there a chance...do you think we could…" He stopped pacing, turning to look at her before he said, "I found him. Sidonis. He's there, on the Citadel, living under a different name."

"Ah."

"I have to find him. I have to get justice for my men."

"Okay."

"I know that you...wait. Did you say okay?"

"You already know that I don't think that's the right call. But it's not mine to make, it's yours. So if that's your choice, I'll help you."

"Um, thanks. He went through someone named 'Fade' to change his identity, so that's where we need to start."

"All right, we can check with Captain Bailey. He seemed like he had ear to the ground around there. I have to check with him on something for Thane anyways, so I'll ask about your 'Fade' as well."

Garrus breathed a sigh of relief and said, "I really appreciate this, Shepard. I know you don't agree with me, but I think this will help me put it behind me and let those men rest."

"I hope you're right."

* * *

Garrus was pissed. Shepard had said that the decision was his, but she was doing everything she could to get in his way. She hadn't let him interrogate Harkin the way he wanted and now that they had found Sidonis, she was standing between him and Garrus' sniper rifle. And she was _talking_ to him, asking him why he had done it. It didn't matter. Couldn't she see that? All those men were dead and it was Garrus'_ duty_ to make sure Sidonis paid for it.

"Shepard, move. I have the shot."

She didn't listen. _Of course she didn't listen_. He only partially heard her conversation with Sidonis. He heard enough to know the man was a coward, but that didn't change what needed to be done. He looked through his scope, waiting for her to move so that he could take the shot. Unfortunately, she had an uncanny ability to be exactly where she needed to be. Every time Sidonis moved, she moved with him, staying right in Garrus' line of sight.

It was when he started thinking about how to take the shot anyways, how he could just injure her and still kill Sidonis, that he realized with a start that she was right. What was he doing? He was so focused on getting revenge that he was thinking about shooting one of his best friends to do it.

He focused back on the conversation in time to hear Sidonis say, "Tell Garrus...I guess there's nothing I can say to make it right."

He sounded so defeated and Garrus realized that he was already in a hell many times worse than the one he had been trying to send him to.

With a sigh, he said, "Just...go. Tell him to go."

He listened as Shepard and Sidonis parted, with the latter promising to try and make it up to him. _As if that were possible_. Garrus' emotions were in turmoil. He wasn't sure he had made the right call for his men, but he knew it had been the right one for him. Were they the same thing?

When Shepard returned in the skycar to pick him up, he couldn't bring himself to even look at her. She told him she was proud of him, but if she had only known what he had been thinking ten minutes before...well, he was sure she wouldn't be_ proud_. They rode in an uncomfortable silence all the way back to the Normandy, where he promptly went back to the Main Battery. Working with the calibrations of the main gun took all his concentration and was always a good distraction for him.

He worked for hours, but he knew he would need to eventually face her. So he wasn't surprised when he heard the doors open.

As she entered, he looked up and said, "Hey Shepard. Thanks for helping me find Sidonis."

She looked at him warily. "I thought you might be mad at me."

He shook his head, saying, "No, not at you. I know that you are always just trying to help me see all sides. And you were right, I wasn't being myself. I, ah...I realized that when I was trying to figure out the best way to shoot_ through_ you."

Her eyes widened but she remained silent.

"I realized that I was letting my anger and pain guide me, and it was taking me places I really didn't want to go. I wouldn't be honoring my men if I did something like that. So...I'm sorry. And thank you. Again."

"You're welcome, Garrus. And, no apology is necessary. I knew you'd figure it out eventually. You are a good soldier and a good man. I'm lucky to have you at my back and even more so to call you my friend."

"Yeah, well. Someone has to be around to pull you out of the fire, especially with your tendency to willingly jump right into it."

She laughed and he knew that she was right about everything. He _had_ done the right thing. He _would_ get through this, eventually.

And he still didn't like Cerberus, nor did he trust them. But he knew that they had done the entire galaxy a huge favor when they had brought the woman standing in front of him back to life.


End file.
